


Forever and Always

by DarnItTumbleweed



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Cowgirl Position, Creampie, Crimes & Criminals, Cunnilingus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gun Violence, Love, Love Confessions, Making Love, Marriage Proposal, Porn With Plot, Pregnancy, Reminiscing, Romance, Vaginal Sex, past drama, reassurance, talks about the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23459056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarnItTumbleweed/pseuds/DarnItTumbleweed
Summary: A night out to a bar after a rough case causes Reid to reminisce on the events that lead Y/N and he to fall in love in the first place, and all the events that they've lived through since then. Things haven't always been easy but they're still together, still growing strong. A night spent together reassuring each other of their love is just what they needed as they prepare themselves to move forward with their lives.Moving Foward might be hard though as some surprising news and a new case changes everything.Basically this started as smut with emotions.And because I was asked to do it on Tumblr, I made this story a short three chapter fic. So now there's a lil angst as well.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 133
Collections: Dr. Reid/ MGG





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another smut prompt I was requested to write on my Tumblr. This one turned out long and loaded with backstory…I needed to make it emotional to make the ending more fluffy. Sorry if I got some facts wrong, I haven’t watched all the episodes for the later seasons…I did the best I could though. 
> 
> smut prompt:
> 
> “I was wondering how long you two were going to make out like that before you realized you weren’t alone.”
> 
> “I can’t wait until we’re alone. There are so many things I want to do to you right now.”

He sat back against his bar stool a glass of brandy in hand. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her a slow smile crossing his lips as he watched her. He admired the way her soft dark hair hung loosely now that she’d pulled it out of the tight up-do she usually wore it in on the job. She’d ditched her work clothes for a pair of jeans and a dark tank top. She’d darkened her makeup a bit for a night out wearing a shade of lipstick she usually wouldn’t wear at work. She was by far the most stunning woman he’d ever laid eyes on and she was all his.

He was so thankful she’d talked him into coming out with the team tonight. Reid hadn’t really wanted to come out tonight at all, but Y/N had somehow convinced him. He’d wanted to go back to the motel and read a little, hopefully let himself wind down…to tell the truth he was trying isolate himself.

Y/N had seen through his excuses that he just wanted a quiet night with a book. She’d held onto his hand practically dragging him out of the police station as she spoke. “No, Sir…Come on there’s a glass of brandy calling your name. I can hear it. You aren’t being Dr. Antisocial right now, I won’t allow it.”

She’d kept reassuring him he needed to be social with their friends, and he’d reluctantly agreed. He knew Y/N was right they needed to get out and enjoy the fact that the case was over. It would do them some good to get out and have some fun before they had to board the jet tomorrow and head back to DC.

The case had been intense as most of their cases tended to be, it was a hazard in this kind of work. They all needed to let off some steam. They needed to celebrate the fact that it was all over now…until another case fell on the BAU’s desk that is…for now it was over though, for tonight they could relax. They’d got the guy before he hurt anymore girls. The girl he’d managed to abduct was safe now, well as safe as she could be in this situation. Either way she had a her life back, and she’d hopefully heal as much as she could with time. There would be no more girls taken by the unsub. It was cause for a celebration.

He smiled as he watched Y/N laugh with Emily a pool cue in her hand she having been drafted by Emily into beating a couple of guys at the game. Y/N was surprisingly good a pool; she’d learned it from her father she’d explained to him once. Her dad ran the old neighborhood bar back in Alabama where she was from originally.

Her accent had been the first thing he noticed about her, despite the few years she’d lived in DC, that southern twang was still apparent in her voice.

Reid felt his heart swoon as she spotted him watching her giving him a wink. He grinned resisting the urge to go to her.

He’d told himself he’d only be in the way, he sucked at pool. He could beat anyone at a game of cards, but pool wasn’t his game.

Reid kept himself satisfied with simply continuing to watch her, being able to see her enough for him at at the moment.

Reid could say without even an ounce of doubt that he loved Y/N Y/L/N with every last beating bit of his heart.

She’d changed his life for the better. Despite the things they’d been through during the course of their relationship, she’d made his world brighter.

These past few years had been intense to say the least. He wasn’t sure how they’d survived it all.

Somehow Y/N had stuck by his side refusing to leave him.

When he thought of the events of the past few years it made his head spin. It all had been so unexpected. This past year alone had almost destroyed him.

Their lives had been turned upside down.

There had been the loss of some of their friends a few of them moving on from the BAU, a few of them losing their lives. There had been his mother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis and his struggles to care for her, he moving her into his home Y/N doing her best to help him as his mother’s condition grew worse and worse. There had been his trips to Mexico where he’d struggled to try to find some medication that could help his mother, making Y/N swear she wouldn’t tell anyone that he’d been going to Mexico in the first place. He had been too stubborn to admit he was desperate to save his mother somehow. He didn’t want to admit how slim the chances of him finding this cure really were. This was something he had to do, he’d insisted. It wasn’t the bureaus business what he was doing, he’d insisted.

That last trip to Mexico lost cost him his freedom Lindsey Vaughn and Cat Adams determined to ruin his life framing him for a murder he did not commit. He’d served months in prison awaiting a trial struggling to survive and maintain his sanity.

Y/N had done the only thing she could do. She’d taken a sabbatical from the BAU refusing Reid’s requests that she not come and visit him in prison. She’d told him she was going to visit him whether he liked it or not. When he’d told her he didn’t want her to see him like this, she’d reassured him that not being able to see him would be worse for them both. She’d rented an apartment in Mexico making sure his mother was cared for by the nurse they’d hired for her, Cassie. Y/N had taken it upon herself to do everything she could for Reid while he was incarcerated. She’d devoted herself to working with his legal counsel hoping they could work towards his release. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t rest until he came home with her where he belonged.

He’d begged her to leave him a million times while he was incarcerated. Couldn’t she understand he’d insisted, she deserved more. He insisted he would drag them both down, he’d destroy them both…couldn’t she see it? He deserved this, he deserved to remain here. She didn’t have to rot with him.

She’d tore him a new one of course. She’d given him a kick to the butt with some tough love. He could still remember the words she’d said to him more times than once on those visits tears in her eyes her voice stern: “Spencer Reid you claim to be a genius but you have to be a gigantic idiot to think I would walk away from us. I am NOT leaving you, no chance. You aren’t going to shove me away so you can punish yourself and rot here…you are not a martyr. Despite popular belief you are not meant to suffer for whatever sins you’ve convinced yourself you’ve committed. I AM NOT leaving you. Our story isn’t over yet, Spencer. You are going to get out of here and you are going to come home with me. You might not believe that you’re coming home, but you better start. I am NOT going anywhere.”

Yes her words had been harsh, but it was what he’d needed to hear.

During his time in prison his mother had been abducted on orders from Cat Adams. Reid had been released from prison during this time, his innocence having been proven. Though he’d been able to come home the nightmare hadn’t ended. He’d still had to face Cat Adams in prison where she was being held, she taunting him the entire time even trying to convince him he’d impregnated her while he was drugged in Mexico when that murder he’d been accused of was taking place. She’d smirked up at him trying to convince him she’d convinced him in his drugged state that she was Y/N and he’d gotten the job done. Reid had snapped as she’d made a cruel comment about his mother, he’d almost killed her.

He was still amazed that Y/N and he had somehow managed to survive this. He’d be lying if he tried to say it hadn’t been a relief when it became clear that Cat was lying about the pregnancy. It had been yet another attempt to manipulate him, to toy with him. She’d been trying to ruin his life, trying to pull Y/N from him.

It hadn’t worked. Y/N had stuck to that promise she’d made him often while he was incarcerated, she wasn’t going anywhere, nothing was pulling her from him.

Diana Reid had survived her abduction somehow, the BAU having rescued her from her captor. Reid had made difficult choice to move her to a memory care center soon after that. He was still coming to terms with her disease. Y/N had done her best to support him as usual.

Reid and Y/N had been doing their best to move forward with their lives.

He would be lying if he tried to say that the events hadn’t traumatized them both. He was more than sure they were both dealing with their own Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

They were surviving though, one day at a time.

She’d begun saying something to him, something that reassured him when he felt his worse. She’d begun saying it after he’d been released from prison, after he’d come home but the nightmares hadn’t stopped.

She’d rock him against her as she spoke her voice so sweet. “I love you Spencer Reid. I love you, forever and always.”

That little phrase had brought him so much comfort. It had become their go to phrase. Forever and Always had become just another way of saying I love you for them.

Reid wasn’t sure if he would have made it this far and maintained his sanity if it hadn’t been for Y/N.

He often told her she’d been his angel, she’d kept him from falling apart completely. When he did fall she’d picked him back up. He’d told her that he only hoped he managed to do the same for her. He only hoped that he’d never lose her.

He’d hoped that she was right, that their story wasn’t over yet. He knew he just had to keep reminding her that he loved her, Forever and always.

That was why he’d been carrying a little velvet box around in his jacket pocket for months now. He’d been carrying the ring with him debating how to make his move.

He’d wanted to take the plunge and ask her those special three little words at least a dozen times. This moment never seemed right though.

She deserved wine and roses and candlelight.

He hadn’t had the opportunity to give her that just yet.

He smiled as she shot him another look pulling him from his thoughts crooking her finger signaling for him to come to her.

He shook his head still too stubborn still fearing he’d wreck her game. She rolled her eyes maturely sticking her tongue out at him only causing his smile to grow all the more.

He was almost tempted to punch himself when he remembered just how reluctant he’d been to fall in love with Y/N in the first place.

Y/N had met Spencer Reid at a strange time in his life. She’d come into his life as he was in the midst of another tragedy.

He’d been deep in grief still, the loss of Maeve breaking him. He had convinced himself he couldn’t love again.

When Hotch and Rossi had announced the team would have a new young agent joining the team the feeling had been one of hesitance amongst the team. Why’d they need a new hire?

Agent Y/L/N was young, that had been the first thing Reid had noticed. She was in her twenties still. He would come to find she was fresh out of the FBI Academy.

He’d been shocked that she’d been assigned to the BAU.

Rossi and Hotch had insisted she was brilliant though, she wasn’t a genius like Reid. She was however, a fast thinker smart as a whip and eager to learn. She was tougher than she looked Hotch and Rossi had insisted, don’t let her youth fool you.

Her instructors at the Academy had all said she had surpassed every challenge placed her way. They believed she could be a use to any department she was assigned. Apparently the FBI director had felt the same because she was assigned to the BAU and to Reid’s team.

Reid had come to find that all the praise for Y/N was true. She was good at her job though he could tell it had been a struggle for her at first. She somehow had managed to hold her own despite her inexperience. She was eager to do her best, eager to listen and learn. She was willing to follow orders and willing to do what it took to be an asset to the team.

It hadn’t been shocking as she had managed to befriend the team after she’d proven herself.

As much as Reid wanted to get close to her like his team, he’d refused. He could admit he’d been a bit of a jerk to her. He’d given her the cold shoulder when she tried to bond with him.

Yes, he’d been courteous and professional in his interactions with her while they worked cases, but he obviously hadn’t gone out of his way to form any sort of connection with her.

He’d told himself he was doing the right thing, keeping her at arms length, not getting too close.

He was protecting his heart. He didn’t want to admit he was attracted to her. How could he not like her. He couldn’t help himself. Y/N was sweet and funny and clever. She had the cutest accent and the kindest heart. She was so adorable and pretty. He wanted to fall for her.

He refused though. He’d gone the opposite direction, being cold to her hoping she could form a dislike for him so that he could save himself from loving her.

He’d told himself not to feel guilty about being so cold to her. It was for the best.

Things had changed though. It had become impossible to hold her at an arms length any longer.

They’d both been stuck up at the BAU, both backed up with paperwork. Reid usually zoomed through paperwork, but his mind hadn’t been in it lately. He’d been having a hard time sleeping which was affecting his focus. His migraines had been threatening to return which made him work slower than usual.

He’d needed to get caught up. Y/N was just trying to overcompensate. She felt that she needed to work late, to prove herself.

Neither Y/N nor he had been thrilled at having to spend a night at the office together neither of them able to pretend that there wasn’t some awkward tense energy between them.

A phone call had broken the dam. Reid had watched Y/N crumble as she hung up the phone.

He’d spotted the tears falling from her eyes he unable to ignore the need to hold her. He wanted to keep treating her so coolly, but he couldn’t stop himself embracing her as she cried.

She’d stared up at him a frown on her face as she’d explained the phone call. Her sister was dead, she was a twin she’d explained. She’d felt like there was something wrong all day, and now she’d gotten the call that explained why she felt so wrong. There had been an accident, a drunk driver.

Reid had continued to hold her rocking her against him. She’d finally spoken as her tears had begun to dry. “Why are you being so nice to me? You hate me.”

Reid had felt his heart shatter at the words. He’d spoken finding it so surprising that was able to spill his heart to her. “I don’t hate you…It’s just…I’m a mess. I’m hurting.”

He’d opened up to her that night, set his grief out on the table for her to see.

It had become a thing for them; becoming a support system for one another during their grief. They’d created a bond.

Still though, Reid had held back the desire to have more with Y/N.

He had told himself that it would be pointless to let himself fall in love with her. Horrible things always happened to the people he loved. They were either taken from him or they left him.

It was better to have her friendship and keep her in his life than it was to let himself love her and risk the inevitable fact that he’d lose her.

He had failed to realize that there was more than one way to lose her though even if he denied himself her love.

Reid hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on Garcia and Y/N. He’d been approaching Garcia’s office when he’d heard their voices and information that made Reid want to curl up into a ball and die.

As much as he wanted to walk away he couldn’t force his feet to move. So he just stood there and listened his heart twisting and breaking.

Garcia had sighed her voice holding a hint of worry. “You’re really going out on a date with him Y/N?”

Y/N sighed in return as she spoke making Reid’s heart twist painfully. He frowned his poor heart beginning to break as he listened to Y/N. “Yeah, I mean…I know Agent Hart seems like he’s all brawn without the brain…but I decided what the hell…I mean…he’s ya know…okay. He’s…okay, I guess. I mean maybe I just need to get to know him. He seems nice enough…like I said, he seems okay. He saw me reheating my leftovers from that Greek place I like and he asked me if I would be interested in trying this new Greek place near his place…I figured it didn’t hurt to say yes.”

Garcia let out a huff as she spoke quick to call Y/N out. “Angel-cakes, describing a guy you’re about to go on a date with as “okay” really isn’t normal. Why are you doing this?”

Y/N was fast to speak trying in vain to defend herself. “Normal is overrated. I just haven’t really gotten to know him that well…This date will be good for me.”

“What about Reid though? I thought you two were getting close?” Garcia dared to ask the question making Reid frown as he tried to take in this information.

Y/N had a date, a date with Agent Hart? Why did the idea of someone else, especially Agent Hart, taking her out make him want to puke?

He felt his heart break all the more as Y/N spoke a small bitter laugh leaving her the pain clear in her voice. “What about him? He’s…he’s not ready for anything Penny. He’s…he’s stuck in grief. He can’t move passed Maeve…it’s like she haunts him…She is gone but she’s still, she’s still there with him. Her memory haunts him. I can’t compete with her ghost.”

She paused Reid’s heart breaking all the more as she spoke again that pain still evident in her voice. “I know that sounds cruel…I don’t mean to be so insensitive to his loss…I know it makes me sound like such an asshole calling her a ghost. I know how deep his pain is. Believe me, I don’t mean to sound so heartless. The entire situation is just so, it’s not fair. That’s exactly what it is, unfair. What I’ve fallen into with him…it’s not healthy for me nor is it fair.”

She spoke once again Reid almost sure that his heart was shredded now. He could hear that tone in her voice, that weepy sound as she struggled not to fall to pieces. “I can’t keep waiting around for him Pen. I keep giving and giving to him hoping he’ll see that I do it because I love him…he can’t see anything past his grief though…I keep hoping he’ll wake up one day…see me, really see me. I keep hoping he’ll be ready to move past this… past his grief that way we can move past this thing, whatever it is we have together. We’re stuck in this weird friendship where we cuddle and hold each other and share all these intimate details…but we don’t take that step into making it something more…I can’t keep doing it. I have spent so long waiting for Spencer to wake up, I need to accept that it’s not going to happen though. I can’t just sit back and keep hoping for Spencer Reid to love me when it’s not ever going to happen. Moving on with my life will hurt, it does hurt…it hurts like hell, but it has to happen.”

Reid wanted to march right into the room and drop down to his knees in front of Y/N. He wanted to apologize for being so blind. He wanted to swear to her that he’d wake up. He wanted to promise her he was awake, that he saw her.

He couldn’t force his feet to move though as Garcia spoke her voice full of pity it clear she was trying to not to cry. “Oh Y/N, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

Y/N spoke that bitter laugh leaving her again her voice still weepy. “It’s fine…I mean, it’s not fine at all really…but ya know…I’m tougher than I look..I feel like shit and I kind of want to throw myself in front of a bus at the moment but I'm sure that's normal. You know what they say….What doesn’t kill you just gives you a really dark sense of humor and bad coping mechanisms. Dating someone I’m not attracted to probably isn’t healthy…but I need to learn to make my stupid heart let go of what I don’t have. It’ll probably always hurt…ending whatever this is I have with Spence…but who am I to mourn what never was. I have to go on this date with Agent Hart tonight…it’s a step I need to take. I need to move forward with my life…I need to find a way to live my life without Spencer Reid.”

Reid wanted so badly to confront Y/N to beg her to give him a chance.

He couldn’t will himself to enter Garcia’s office though. He took the cowards way out turning and heading back to the bullpen.

The rest of the day had been utter misery. Reid had watched Y/N she avoiding his gaze. He’d run over her words in his head they playing again and again taunting him.

He couldn’t take it anymore. As the day had winded to a close he’d forced himself to approach Y/N as she gathered her coat and her things preparing to leave for her date with Agent Hart.

“Y/N, can I talk to you…in private.”

She sighed shooting him a look the pain entering her eyes it gone as quickly as it came. “I don’t really have time Spencer, I have a…I have plans tonight. I can’t get held up.”

Reid frowned shaking his head frantically not above begging her. “Please, just give me a few minutes.”

She sighed giving in following his lead as he headed up to the meeting room he closing the doors behind them.

The words left his lips before he could stop them. “Please don’t go out with Agent Hart tonight.”

She stared up at him dumbfounded her arms crossing over her chest her voice stiff. “How do you know about that?”

“I heard you talking to Garcia about it earlier…I heard everything.” Reid had admitted watching the emotions flash though her eyes: Pain, anger, sadness, regret.

He spoke again shaking his head. “I cant apologize for eavesdropping. I needed to hear it. You’re right Y/N.”

She cringed fearing he was about to tell her that she was right; that he couldn’t move on from his grief, that he couldn’t love her.

He spoke again taking a deep breath as he continued. “It’s not fair for me to keep taking and taking from you…using you like some sort of security blanket. That’s not fair to you and you deserved better. I’m so sorry I’ve been so blind. I may have an IQ of 187, but I’ve been a massive idiot. I ignored the one thing that’s been right in front of me all this time. I was scared Y/N, I was scared to love you because everyone I love either leaves me or is taken away from me. I let myself believe that if I loved you then I’d lose you somehow…I told myself it was better to just keep your friendship…I didn’t realize I could still lose you though. I can’t sit by and watch Agent Hart take you out on a date when I know it should be me that’s getting to take you out.”

Y/N felt the tears begin to leave her eyes. She shook her head her voice so tiny. “I…I want to believe you, but I’m so afraid…I’m scared that you’re just settling on me because you’re afraid to lose me…I can’t just be a consolation prize for you Spencer. I know that you’re still in love with Maeve…I can’t just be the one you settle on because I’m convenient.”

Reid stepped closer to her reaching for her thankful that she didn’t shove him away. He held her against him the words falling from him. “You aren’t something I’m settling for…yes I do still love Maeve…part of me does…part of me always will…I know the truth though…I was too stubborn to admit it, but she’d want me to keep living. She’d want me to move on with my life. She’d want me to find someone to love, someone who loves me. When you first started working here I was so freaked out because I could see myself loving you…I was afraid of it. I was scared and in pain and lost. I told myself I’d never love again, and then I met you. You were so sweet and perfect and I wanted to shove you away because you made me feel things…Then when your sister died…I couldn’t take seeing you hurt so much. We fell into each other…took care of each other. You taught me it was okay to love again…to be happy again. I’m so sorry that’s taken me so long to wake up and see that you’re what I want.”

He paused allowing her to fall apart against him as he managed to speak again. “Just give me a chance…let me show you that you’re not a consolation prize…let me prove to you that I do love you.”

She melted at this request her heart aching tears falling for a different reason. “Okay, yeah…I’ll let you prove it…I love you too Spencer.”

That had been what it’d taken. He had kept his promise to her. He’d worked hard to show her that she was it for him, that he loved her.

He knew he’d spend the rest of his life proving to her that he loved her. He’d do it again and again without complaint.

He was pulled from his thoughts as Y/N finally made her way over to him his arms sliding around her waist as he sat his glass down at the round pub table.

She leaned against him her lips meeting his as she spoke. “I escaped the game. I’m free.”

Reid chuckled at her comment his lips meeting hers again before he spoke. “I see that, what’s freedom taste like?”

She gave him a small smile pressing her lips to his the kiss a little deeper. She pulled back as she spoke giving him a crooked grin. “It tastes a lot like brandy.”

He rolled his eyes a little amused by her comment, at least she hadn’t referred to his choice in drink the way she usually did as an old man drink.

He refused to loosen his grip on her rocking her in place as he spoke up. “Did you win?”

“Of course…even if you wouldn’t come help me.” She replied her hand reaching out to smooth back his hair.

He leaned into her touch a content little sigh leaving him as she continued to stroke his hair her fingers running through his hair. “I figured I’d just be in the way. I’m not much of a pool player.”

“Because you won’t let me teach you.” She pointed out not shocked by the huff that left Reid’s lips.

He continued to rock her the both of them happy to sink into a quiet moment after a long week surrounded by horrors.

Reid spoke his voice soft and sleepy. “I love you.”

She smiled her lips finding his after she let the words leave her saying the one thing she knew still made him swoon. “And I love you, Forever and always.”

As they pulled back Reid found himself unable to resist pulling Y/N down into his lap the move a little clumsy but they managed even with the shoddy shake the bar stool gave at the added weight of two people.

Reid kept a tight hold on her unable to deny that it felt good to hold her like this. He’d never been one for PDA before Y/N. He’d actually never quite been one to actively seek out touch. He’d had issues with fear of germs which was why he usually tried to avoid shaking hands with new people.

He’d long ago realized though that it was next to impossible to deny the desire to touch Y/N or to show her affection no matter where they were.

He was especially touchy the more he had to drink. Not that he drank often, but anytime they had a night out and he let himself indulge a little too much he got extra touchy and clingy with Y/N.

Y/N shot him a small smile knowing exactly why he was so touchy feely tonight. She had a feeling it had more to do with the flirty police officer they’d been forced to work with on this case than it had to with the brandy he’d been nursing all night.

She spoke calling him out as she shifted in his lap turning so her side was facing him sitting with her legs draped over his. “Am I in your lap because of Officer Jones?”

Reid let out a huff not helping but to grit his teeth a little at the mention of the officer back at the police station who’d been all too happy to hang around Y/N more than necessary. “No, not at all…Even if it was I think I made a point of showing him that you were off the market.”

Y/N chuckled shaking her head at the memory.

Officer Jones had smiled down at her as he spoke watching her help Reid with a geographical map of the dump sites. “Wow Agent Y/L/N, beauty and brains, a deadly combination.”

For Reid it had been the final straw, he’d watched the young officer flirt with his girlfriend for a few days now and he was sick of it.

Reid had wrapped an arm around Y/N his chin tilting up with pride as he spoke up. “I know, that’s why I asked her to be mine.”

Y/N had rolled her eyes remembering how pale Officer Jones had grown at this comment. Needless to say he hadn’t hit on her again after Reid had essentially made their relationship clear as day to the flirty police officer.

She pressed a kiss to Reid’s cheek unable to stop herself from calling him out. “I was pretty sure you two were just going to pull your dicks out and start measuring them.”

Reid furrowed his brow the context behind her comment flying over his head. She pressed a kiss to his cheek as she spoke up dropping it. “Lucky for you I adore you, even when you get jealous.”

“Wasn’t jealous.” Reid lied his lips meeting hers hoping he could distract her from arguing with him.

They let the room fade away their lips working slow against one another there being no hurry to deepen things.

As much as Reid loved the intense impassioned kisses they’d been known to share he had to admit that these kisses were just as nice. He liked the soft slow movements, the sweetness of it.

He placed his hands at her cheeks keeping her close to him wanting to show her exactly how much he adored her. Her fingers began to stroke his hair again messing it ever so slightly as she pushed for the kisses to be a little deeper.

They reluctantly parted as they heard a purposeful cough beside them. They turned Reid’s cheeks flushing having long forgotten that Alvez and JJ had been sharing a table with him.

JJ chuckled giving Reid and Y/N a knowing grin as Alvez spoke. “I was wondering how long you guys were going to make out like that before you realized you weren’t alone.”

Y/N shot them a cool smile as she spoke up defending them. “We were perfectly aware we weren’t alone. We’re just making up for lost time given Em might put us both on desk duty if we get this kissy while on a case.”

Reid smiled nodding his head in agreement as he spoke up. “Yeah getting too cuddly might send the wrong impression to the local PD.”

JJ smiled remembering exactly what she’d witnessed back at the police station a few days ago. She exchanged a grin with Y/N as she spoke up. “Kind of like the impression you made on Officer Jones.”

Reid let out a huff a frown crossing his features. “The kid was being unprofessional.”

Alvez chuckled at this shaking his head. “Kid? Reid he was probably your age.”

Y/N chuckled ruffling Reid’s hair before he had a chance to defend his comment. “He was a little weird, you have to admit it. I mean hitting on a girl in front of crime scene photos doesn’t really get her motor running.”

Alvez chuckled not helping but to joke. “Damn, that explains a lot about my love life.”

Y/N rolled her eyes she and Reid exchanging a knowing glance neither of the them having it in them to bring up the obvious crush Alvez had developed on one technical analyst back at the BAU.

Everyone was just watching Garcia and he dance around each other everyone waiting for the two to figure it out.

Y/N stood from Reid’ lap taking his hand in hers as she drug him from to stool. “I need another drink, come on. Be a good slave…I mean boyfriend and take me to buy another drink.”

Reid snorted not missing her slave comment. He wasn’t above admitting she had him absolutely whipped, or at least that’s what Morgan had said the last time they’d spoken over the phone and Reid had admitted that yes he’d gotten baby Hank a birthday gift and that yes Y/N had been the one who had drug him to the store to buy it.

Reid couldn’t stop himself from pressing his lips to hers as they stood at the bar waiting on the bartender to make Y/N a new cocktail. He spoke his voice muffled against her neck low enough for only Y/N to hear him. “I can’t wait until we’re alone. There’s so many things I want to do to you right now.”

Y/N chuckled shooting him a small smile not missing her chance. “Why wait Spence? We can call an Uber and get back to the hotel. I’ve got an app to make it happen.”

Reid gave her a small smile as her drink was finally placed in front of her. “Finish your drink first, then we’ll talk.”

Y/N did in fact finish her drink and she did keep her promise to Reid about calling for an Uber.

She giggled as Reid met her lips the second they entered the Uber he apparently desperate enough not to care about PDA at all. They continued to kiss as the Uber driver rolled his eyes apparently having transported enough people leaving bars not to care if someone wanted to make out in the back of his car.

She gasped Reid’s lips meeting her neck his kisses slow and teasing it being a promise of what was to come the second they made it back to the crappy motel the FBI had put the team up at.

He kept his lips pressed to her neck the entire ride to the motel it taking everything in Y/N to keep her moans muffled her biting her bottom lip in an effort to keep silent. His teeth traced her skin his lips sucking at her making her feel as though she was going to have a serious hickey to cover tomorrow morning.

They practically ran from the car up the stairs to Reid’s motel room he eagerly using the key card to open the door Y/N taking some revenge for the entire car ride here her lips pressing to his neck making sure he had a hickey to match her own.

Reid wanted to cheer as he finally worked the door open he wasting no time to take Y/N into his arms he kicking the door shut behind them tossing the key card carelessly aside.

She giggled as he managed to maneuver her over to the bed his lips refusing to pull from hers his kisses sweet and playful his hands taking in her the curve of her body.

He shoved her backwards as they reached the edge of the bed she laughing all the more as she fell back against the mattress with a bounce.

She gazed up at her boyfriend struggling to see him through the darkness of the room. She spoke pouting though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Lights please.”

Reid chuckled reaching for the lap on the nightstand flipping it on. He shrugged his suit jacket off unfastening his tie and tossing it to the side to join the jacket. He smiled down at her not helping but to think she looked almost angelic lying back in bed her hair a halo around her she still a little giggly clearly tipsy.

He spoke unable to keep the fondness from his voice. “You are so beautiful.”

She smiled up at him opening her arms to him. “Beautiful, but so so so lonely down here all by myself.”

Reid shook his head a small chuckle leaving him he somehow managing to kick his shoes off as he allowed himself to lie beside her. His lips met hers again his hand pressing to her cheek the kisses easily growing impassioned his tongue sliding along hers a pride shooting through him at the soft moan that left her under his ministrations.

She took him by surprise shoving him down on to his back her lips pulling from his. He didn’t have much time to mourn the loss of her touch as she moved straddling his hips.

She smiled down at him rocking her hips teasingly knowing he loved this position. She didn’t give him much time to enjoy the friction she stilling her hips as quickly as the motion began working a whimper from Reid.

She leaned down her lips pressing to his neck her fingers reaching forward to unfasten the buttons of his shirt. She moved downwards sliding her lips along his Adams apple as she continued to unfasten his shirt he helping her slide it from his body.

She chuckled her hands sliding up his undershirt her fingers tracing his skin as she slid her lips along his neck her voice muffled against his skin. “You doctor, wear far too many layers.”

He smiled his eyes sliding shut enjoying her soft teasing touches and her lips against his neck. “I get cold easily.”

“Well we better warm you up then.” She teased sliding his undershirt up and over his head tossing it aside.

Reid giggled the alcohol he’d had earlier making him feel the slightest bit tipsy as well. “Getting me undressed will warm me up?”

She gave his neck a nip causing a gasp to leave him as she spoke giggling as well. “Don’t question my sexy seduction talk.”

Reid smiled as she worked her lips down his chest his voice soft. “Don’t have to seduce what’s yours already.”

A soft cry left his lips as she locked her lips over his right nipple sucking the little bud Reid’s head falling back. He’d never realized just how sensitive his nipples could be until Y/N had shown him just how much fun a little nipple play could be.

The logical part of his brain that was still working at full capacity 24/7 even when he was feeling pleasure was quick to pipe up that of course he’d known that the nipples were an erogenous zone. In fact he’d read once that nipple stimulation in some people could light up the same area of the brain that reacted to genital stimulation.

Some other interesting and some surprising areas that were also sensitive included the scalp, the inner wrist, the palms of ones hand, and the neck.

His brain piped back down as she moved down his body her lips pressing slow sucking kisses down his torso.

She gazed up at him a small smile crossing her lips as she reached for his belt working it open. He gasped as she reached his zipper pulling it down.

He wiggled his hips helping her work his pants down his legs. He smiled not shocked as she worked his socks off his feet while she was sliding his trousers off. He’d once listened to her tease him as she’d realized he had made love to her while keeping his socks on.

She’d spoken a groan leaving her when she’s spotted the socks on his feet after the deed was over; one yellow and one purple. “I can’t believe you just had sex with me while wearing socks. I love you Spence, but really? The socks…You’re butt naked except for socks.”

He’d not understood her amused laughter as she buried her face against his neck laughing over the socks.

He’d asked her about it later and she’d gently explained to him that wearing socks while having sex just looked a little silly. It had just caught her by surprise she’d explained to him.

Once his socks and his pants were deposited on the floor Y/N moved back up his body pressing her lips along his long legs being sure to press a sweet adoring kiss to his knee where he’d once been shot the scar now the only evidence of that injury.

He didn’t have long to focus on the tenderness of the act as she pressed her lips up his thighs working towards the one area that was now standing tall at full attention straining against his boxer briefs.

She smiled at the soft pleased little impatient whimpers that left him as she pressed her lips along his thighs slowly teasingly. Working up to the main event was almost as fun as actually lowering her lips over his cock.

She finally took some sympathy on him pressing her lips against the tent in his boxers the fabric separating her lips from his heated skin maddening it only working more whines from Reid.

She smiled up at him her words soft as she spoke. “Eyes on me Spence. Let me see those pretty eyes.”

He groaned staring down at her as she placed her hands at the waistband of his boxers briefs sliding the offending fabric off his body down his legs.

She let out a soft gasp at the sight of him. She wrapped a hand around his cock giving him an all too light stroke as she spoke knowing she was teasing him. “Is this all for me?”

Reid nodded his head eagerly not even caring if he was falling right into her teasing. “Yes, always.”

She moved her hand from his cock pressing her lips down the length of him her kisses far too innocent and sweet considering what they were currently pressed against.

Reid gripped onto the ugly comforter below him pathetic whines leaving him as she took her time pressing soft kisses to his cock covering him with innocent little pecks a proud smile on her lips. She had to love that she could reduce him to a whimpering mess so effortlessly.

Reid grunted as she pressed a kiss to his tip the precum he was leaking painting her lips. She licked her lips slowly before she ran her tongue along the tip of him the little lick all too slow all too light.

He spoke through gritted teeth easily losing his patience. “More baby.”

She smiled up at him before pressing her lips down the side of his cock returning to giving him those sweet little innocent pecks to his skin. “More what? You have to be more specific Spencer. I’m not a mind reader.”

Reid grunted his voice stern and demanding as he forced himself to speak up. “Suck me off.”

She shot him a small smile purposely widening her eyes in surprise. She spoke her voice holding a playful edge to it as she mock scolded him. “Why Spencer Reid, that wasn’t very polite. What happened to your manners?”

Reid rolled his eyes though he couldn’t stop the small smile from crossing his lips. She loved to tease. He spoke that small smile still on his lips. “Suck me off pretty please.”

She giggled the sound music to Reid’s ears even if he was a little frustrated with her at the moment.

She spoke her voice still holding that playful edge to it. “Well since you asked so nicely.”

She took him between her lips suckling lightly a groan leaving Reid’s lips at he feel of her soft lips wrapped around him, she’d only taken the head but it was already making his balls ache.

She suckled lightly being sure to keep her eyes locked with his knowing he got off on eye contact during moments like this, when she first began to suck his cock.

She used her tongue to stroke the underside of him as she lowered her lips a little more taking more of him. She used her hand to stroke what she hadn’t yet taken down her throat Reid groaning his hands twisting against the comforter not willing to give in and shove her head down quite yet.

She began to bob her head not shying away from letting it get a little sloppy drooling as she tried to take his cock further and further down her throat being sure he could hear just how it sounded to have his cock slide in and out of her mouth.

She kept her hand pressed against his hip stopping him from rocking against her wanting to work him at her rate for now.

Reid grunted the words sliding from him as he watched her lower her lips back down over his cock. “That’s it baby girl, fuck yes. So good at this, so good, fuck yes.”

She moaned against him the sound of him cursing always a turn on. He was usually so polite; so mindful of using polite language. He rarely allowed himself to resort to using foul language.

He couldn’t help himself though, not when she was taking his cock so well they having long ago reached the point where she could take him all the way down to the hilt without gagging.

That didn’t mean she was in any hurry to take him all the way down to the hilt just yet though. She was still quite happy to take her time not quite letting him hit as deep as he would like when she lowered her lips back over him.

She pulled back from him completely causing him to whimper. She continued to stroke him his whimper turning into a moan as she took one of his balls between her lips suckling causing Reid’s head to fall back.

She worked his balls for a little bit not stopping the stroke of her hand. She finally lowered her lips back over him taking him a little deeper this time, but still not deep enough.

Reid finally began to grow impatient one of his hands gripping onto her hair twisting the long locks in his hand as he began to rock back against her movements. She moaned around him still gazing up at him not helping but to think he looked beautiful right now.

Spencer Reid when he was feeling pleasure really was a thing of beauty; his plush lower lip was nestled between his teeth his brow was furrowed, his eyes were focused as he stared back down at her, his hair was a bigger mess than usual. He was clearly struggling to regain some kind of control of himself, holding himself back, not wanting to cum just yet.

She purposely moaned around him wanting him to let go of some of that need for control, wanting him to let go and let himself feel.

The action worked the vibrations of her moan against his cock making him rock his hips all the harder low curses leaving his lips mingled with her name.

He began to push her head forward forcing her to take more and more of him until she finally reached the hilt his head hitting the back of her throat a cry leaving him as he spoke. “Oh fuck baby, that’s it. SO good at taking my cock, fuck.”

He grunted as she continued to work him his cock throbbing his balls tightening he almost feeling disappointed that this would be over soon.

He really couldn’t blame himself for needing to cum so soon though. It had been a while since she’d gotten to give him proper head though. Work had been so hectic lately that usually they managed to make sleepy half paced loved before they fell asleep. Sadly they’d kept things pretty basic lately, Reid on top missionary style the both of them too exhausted to drag out foreplay too much.

Sadly it had been far too long since he’d let himself cum down her throat. 

He managed to hit the back of her throat a few more times knowing that he was done for the words leaving him frantically moans spilling from him. “Cumming, oh shit baby, cumming.”

She took all he had to give her his hips rocking slowly as he worked the last of his release down her throat she taking it.

When the last few spurts of him finally filled her mouth his hand pulled from the back of her head his breathing heavy his body shaking.

She pulled back from him being sure to swallow any reminants of him left on her tongue as she gazed up at him.

She couldn’t help but to smile as his hand reached up stroking her hair lovingly silently trying to show her how much he adored her as he tried to recover from his orgasm.

She moved back up his body her lips pressing soft kisses to his skin as she worked her way back up.

She was surprised a moan leaving her when Reid’s lips met hers he frowning slightly at the taste of him on her tongue.

He pulled from the kiss a soft smile crossing his lips as he spoke. “It’s been too long since we did that.”

She giggled her lips pressing to his neck as she spoke her voice a little wrecked from what they’d just done. “You act like I’m done with you. We’re not anywhere close to finished Dr. Reid.”

Reid chuckled nodding his head. “I know my job never ends.”

He gazed down at his spent cock a pathetic sigh leaving him. “We’re going to have to hold off on using that for a little while though, I think I need more recovery time.”

She gave him a crooked grin not helping but to tease him. “I know, It’s okay…old men need plenty of recovery time.”

“I’m only thirty seven. You aren’t even that much younger than me…You’re in your thirties too.” He remarked a giggle leaving her as he rolled them over he moving on top her this time.

He pressed his lips down her neck his voice low. “I’ll show you just how much of an old man I am.”

She giggled even more her voice soft her hands tracing his back as he pressed his lips along her skin suckling as his hands slid up her tank top. “I was just playing. I know you’re still young.”

He spoke continuing to nip at her skin pulling her shirt up. “Too late to get out of this now baby. I’ve got something to prove.”

She smiled deciding to give him a hand on getting her just as nude as him. Kicked her shoes off grateful she’d worn flats instead of something she’d have to unfasten. She slid a hand down to her jeans unfastening them and unzipping them kicking them off her legs as Reid tossed her tank top to the side.

He smiled down at her wasting no time to unfasten her bra allowing it to join the rest of the clothing they’d discarded through out the night.

He wasted zero time at all to lower his lips down over her breasts sucking and kissing at her soft skin causing gasps to leave her. He locked his lips over her nipple sucking greedily at the hardened bud. She ran her fingers through his hair as he worked her breasts tugging it slightly causing him to grunt against her skin.

He moved his lips from her breasts a bit reluctantly shooting her a small smile before he began to trail his lips down her stomach his kisses soft and adoring.

She gasped as he reached her still clothed center the lace panties she’d worn blocking his lips from touching just what she wanted.

He buried his face against her nuzzling her pussy a content moan leaving him even if her panties were blocking access. He spoke his voice thick with lust. “Love eating you baby. It’s been way way too long since we’ve done this too.”

He gazed up at her her breathing heavy as he slid his fingers under the waistband of her panties pulling them down dropping them off the side of the bed.

He groaned as she eagerly spread her legs her voice soft. “Please Spencer.”

He smirked parroting her words from earlier. “Well since you asked so nicely.”

Reid began to lap at her greedily his tongue sliding between her slit groaning at the wetness already coating her. She had clearly gotten so soaked for him, pleasing him just a few moments ago.

Y/N pressed a hand to his head once again gripping his hair tugging as he continued to eat her out.

He placed his hand at her thighs forcing her to drape them over his shoulders as he worked her once again nuzzling her another happy little moan leaving him.

She allowed her head to fall back soaking up his talents his lips and tongue working her lips and her tight center sucking and lapping at her more content little moans leaving him showing her that he loved this just as much as she did.

His thumb moved placing over her clit rubbing the swollen little bundle as he continued to lap at her pussy the action causing her to gasp his name leaving her mouth.

She tugged on his hair a little rougher he grunting against her his thumb continuing to work her clit as his tongue slid along her wet center. He gazed up at her he moaning against her tight center the sight of her so stunning.

She looked so beautiful her had thrown back one of her hands squeezing her own breast massaging it at he worked her. Her skin was so flushed her breathing heavy her other hand gripping onto his hair almost painfully as he continued to please her.

He continued to lap at her his cock beginning to perk back up the longer he focused on pleasing her.

He continued to alternated on suckling at her soaked lips to lapping at her wet center never stopping his fingers as they continued to circle her clit intensifying the pleasure she felt.

Her thighs began to shake her back arching as she neared closer and closer to the edge Reid moaned against her able to read her by now. He worked her clit faster taking her by surprise as he moved his free hand towards her two of his fingers sliding into her soaked center.

She whined as he began to finger her crooking his fingers just how she liked working her clit with his other hand.

She felt herself sliding closer and closer to the edge but she held back this not enough for her. She needed more.

He was taken by shock as she spoke her body backing away from his ministrations hinting that she didn’t intend to cum like this. “Please Spencer need you.”

He pulled back from her his face damp from her as he reluctantly pulled his fingers from her pussy and her clit.

He pressed his lips back up her body his voice soft and low. “Are you sure baby? I’m happy to eat you out.”

She smiled up at him tempted to tell him she had a feeling his cock disagreed as it was poking at her signaling it wanted a little more than his mouth on her pussy. “I’m sure. I need you Spencer, please baby, want to feel you.”

He groaned staring down at her soaked center taking his cock in hand and sliding along her wet slit. “Are you sure, I still packed condoms just in case. I still have that box we bought a while back to carry in my ready bag. They shouldn’t have expired yet.”

Y/N pressed a kiss to his cheek her voice soft reassuring him. “I thought we agreed we were ready.”

He nodded his head his stomach in knots. Yes they’d discussed this already, they’d agreed that they were frightened, but they were so ready for this.

Reid and Y/N had been through so much just these past two years alone. It had put some things into focus for them, made them reexamine what they expected out of the future.

One thing that had come up was something that had always filled Reid with a small sense of dread.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want kids, it was that he was terrified of just flat out being horrible at being a dad. He wasn’t too worried about being like his own dad. He knew he’d never abandon his kids. It was just that it was such a huge responsibility. It was so intimidating. The thought of trying to figure out how to care for a baby made a genius like Spencer Reid feel like an absolute moron.

Then there was the matter of his genetics; the predisposition for mental illness being a big red flag for Reid. Now the chance of developing Alzheimer’s was hanging over him as well worrying him he’d pass on so many rotten genes to his offspring.

He knew Y/N wanted kids though. She’d come from a big family with lots of siblings, she’d been a twin after all. She wanted a big family much like the one she’d been raise in. She wanted a house filled with lots of kids, she wanted his kids.

Reid had been debating this a long time now, worrying himself sick over it for years now.

These past few years had been like a brick to the head for him though.

Prison and his mother’s illness and dealing with Cat Adams, it had made Reid accept that life was scary. He was almost afraid to bring children into such a frightening world.

When he looked at Y/N though; really allowed himself to think about how much he loved her, it all seemed so much less scary.

He’d almost lost his chance at having a future all together. Cat Adams had tried to take that away from him.

She wanted to ruin his life.

He refused to let her ruin his life. She didn’t get to win.

Reid refused to let anyone or anything take his happiness from him. No one was taking his future away from him, no fears were going to hold him back anymore.

He had the love of his life and he was going to give her the one thing she wanted more than anything on this planet.

He wasn’t going to deny himself this just because it was frightening. Y/N had made him realize that sometimes the best things in life were the things that scared you the most.

They weren’t actively trying to get pregnant of course…they’d just decided to take a bit more of a passive approach to things.

Y/N had let her birth control prescription run out and Reid had stopped using condoms. They’d just decided to let nature take its course. If it was meant to happen it would happen.

Reid yanked himself out of his head his lips pressing to Y/N’s his voice soft and full of confidence once again. “I know, we have, nothing’s changed. We’re still on the same page.”

He proved his words to her his lips sliding along hers reassuring her that he wasn’t trying to back out on this. He was just a nervous wreck as usual.

He lined himself up with her easily sliding forward with no resistance she still so soaked that she took him well his thick cock stretching her in the best way possible.

They gasped against one another’s lips the feel of each other without any barrier still so intense.

He rested on his elbows rocking into her still moving so slow wanting to soak up the feel of her. The last few times they’d made love they’d both been so exhausted that it hadn’t lasted long. It’d been more of a drowsy work towards release neither of them having time to really truly soak up how good they could make the other feel.

She kept a tight grip on him wrapping her arms around him as he found the will to work his hips rocking against her slowly being so gentle wanting her to feel how much he loved her.

He forced the words from his lips needing to say them if she couldn’t sense it thorough his movements. “I love you so much.”

She gasped her lips sliding along his her hips rocking back against him encouraging him to move a bit quicker. “Love you, love you too.”

Reid kept his eyes on her watching her as he rocked in and out of her her head falling back moans leaving her lips as he rocked a little faster giving her what she wanted.

She was so tight and so perfect around him he almost wanted to cry. He’d thought he’d grow accustomed to feel of her wrapped around him by now, but every single time felt just as intense as the very first time he’d made love to her.

She moaned unable to stop herself from voicing just what he was thinking out loud. “You feel so good Spencer.”

He grunted at her comment working the words from his lips. “You too, fuck. You feel so good too.”

He pressed his lips to hers as he continued to rock against her it so easy to sink into the pleasure only she knew how to give him.

She gasped against his lips her legs wrapping around his hips keeping him pressed close against her as he rocked his hips.

She moved her lips from his pressing her lips along his jaw leaving sucking kisses the stubble he’d worn lately leaving a pleasant burn against her lips.

He was so different from the sad young man she’d fallen for all those years ago. His eyes didn’t really hold that same hint of sorrow to them, not lately at least. He was healing, working towards finding some peace. It seemed as though his life was finally getting back on track. It felt like both their lives were finally getting back on track.

Reid grunted his brow furrowing as he worked the words out his hips slowing. “Can’t…need something else.”

She whined as he pulled from her but his absence from her body didn’t last long he rolling onto his back.

He gave her a slow grin his cock standing at attention throbbing glistening with her wetness. He gave his thighs a pat that smile still on his lips. “Ride me baby, please.”

She smiled moving over him straddling his hips giving him exactly what he wanted. She took his cock in hand working a grunt from him as she slid him along her soaked core.

She sank down on him a heavy groan leaving the both of him her eyes squeezing shut her nails digging into his chest. He hit her at such a different angle in this position. He hit her even deeper like this, he somehow felt even bigger.

He placed his hands at her hips encouraging her to rock against him riding him slowly her eyes opening staring down at him. She smiled at the look on his face. He was staring up at her in total worship his eyes locked on her a determined look on his face he clearly wanting to please her so badly.

She knew this was one of his favorite positions. He loved the sight of her on top of him her breasts bouncing as he rode him her nails scratching against his chest leaving a mark behind as he worked her closer and closer to her release.

She always felt a strange surge of power in this position, being able to set the pace being able to control how fast he got his release.

He spoke his voice thick with lust his breathing heavy. “You look so fucking beautiful. I love you so much.”

She moaned never tiring of hearing those words. It seemed he said them more often now since he’d been released from prison. She guessed the realization that he could have forever lost the ability to simply hold her or feel her hand against his made him want to express how he felt about her all the more.

She stared down at him her heart brimming with adoration for him. She couldn’t help but to feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. She had this sweet wonderful brilliant man who somehow loved her just as much as she loved him.

She knew their journey hadn’t always been a simple one, but she wouldn’t take back a moment of it even the painful moments. She knew those moments had made them. They were still going strong. She knew nothing would break them apart. He was hers and she was his, forever.

She began to rock against him a little harder knowing he needed to hear the words from her. “I love you too baby.”

He groaned his eyes remaining on her as he watched her ride him she rocking against him eagerly the sweetest moans leaving her he knowing he’d never grow tired of hearing them.

She worked her hips against him the two of them sinking into a familiar rhythm the only sounds that filled the room being their gasp and moans her skin slapping against his as she rode him.

Their bodies grew damp with sweat the longer she rode him her skin growing flushed as she became more and more overwhelmed by the feel of him.

He kept a grip on her hips unable to stop himself from digging his fingers into her skin knowing he risked bruising her. She gasped a choked moan leaving her as she spoke. “You feel so good like this, been thinking about this all night.”

He grunted the words making his cock throb. He spoke his voice thick. “Gonna have this forever, never gonna stop loving you like this.”

She whined her fingers sliding down her body her fingers finding her clit knowing she needed little extra stimulation to get her there especially when she was this overwhelmed.

He’d already gotten her so close tonight. She knew she’d need a little extra help being pushed over that edge now.

Reid spoke encouraging her his eyes locking down on her fingers as they rubbed her clit the combination of that sight along with the sight of his cock sliding in and out of her almost too much for his lust filled brain to take. “That’s it my angel, that’s it help me make you cum.”

She gasped her fingers working her clit at a rapid pace he tightened his grip on her hips helping her bounce up and down on him as she slid closer and closer to the edge his cock driving in and out of her slick hot center.

He knew he wouldn’t last long, them being in his favorite position along with the sight of her playing with her clit, and the realization that they were doing this without a condom was almost too much for him to hold back.

He spoke his voice thick pleading with her to find her release before him. He had to feel her cum before he let himself go. “Come on baby, come on my angel, cum for me, please baby please.”

She whimpered his words pushing her closer and closer until she was pushed right over that edge her nails digging into his chest hard her center convulsing her body shaking as she reached her end moans of his name falling from her lips.

She collapsed against him as she shuddered through her orgasm Reid doing all he could to stay still not wanting to overstimulate her.

When she finally came down her breathing returning to mostly normal her body no longer feeling so out of control she weakly began to rock her hips hinting at what she wanted.

Reid took action rolling them over once again his cock only leaving her momentarily as they adjusted to their new position.

He kept his eyes on her as he reentered her a soft cry leaving her showing that she was still a bit sensitive.

He stilled his hips panicking a bit, but she managed to soothe him her lips sliding along his in a soft kiss her words soothing him. “Want you to cum Spencer, please cum in me.”

He grunted those words being all he needed to hear as he began to rock in her his movements a bit slow at first still worried about it being too much for her.

She encouraged his movements her hands sliding down to his backside giving his ass a squeeze as she spoke again wanting to draw his end from him. “Come on baby, come on Spence, please.”

He grunted his body shuddering his end creeping up on his closer and closer. She spoke spurring him on his eyes screwing shut his brow furrowing as he tried to hold out wanting this to last a little longer. “Cum Spence, cum for me. Spence please. Been wanting this all night, please.”

She pressed her lips to his his hips moving more frantically it becoming harder and harder to resist that sweet release. She spoke knowing just what to say to get him there. “Love you baby cum, wanna feel you cum.”

He moaned his hips snapping into her a few more times his orgasm hitting him hard his cock throbbing as he spilled into her.

She kept a tight grip on him he refusing to pull from her as he rocked against her wanting her to get every last drop he had to give.

He whined his body continuing to rock as he came down from his high his heart beating so fast his breathing labored. He collapsed against her their bodies both sticky with sweat.

She stroked his back as he recovered from the intensity of what had just occurred. She pressed loving kisses to his neck soothing him as she spoke. “I love you, love you so much.”

He managed to speak his voice an exhausted slur. “Love you.”

When he finally felt as though he could move again he pulled himself from her rolling over onto his back his arms opening for her needing her closeness.

She took the hint resting against him her head resting on his chest the sound of his heart as it began to return to a normal beat soothing her.

She spoke unable to help herself her fingers tracing his chest. “Do you think we did it?”

He frowned it taking him a moment to detect what she was asking. He slid his hand along her stomach. His eyes stared down at her stomach having to wonder if perhaps there was a life being created there now.

He was surprised to find that he hoped so.

He pressed his lips to hers not wanting her to get her hopes up. “We’ll keep trying until it happens.”

She smiled he not moving his hand from her stomach as they sank into a comfortable afterglow.

Reid felt himself drifting off a sudden thought entering his mind making him snap out of his drowsy haze.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead his voice soft as he reluctantly pulled from her. “Give me a second my angel.”

She frowned sitting up in bed as she watched him scramble towards the foot of the bed a frown crossing his features as he searched their room for something.

He let out a triumphant little chuckle as he finally located his suit jacket.

She frowned as he pulled something from it his large hand obscuring just what he was holding as he made his way back over to her.

Reid took her by surprise dropping down to his knees beside the bed taking her hand in his trying not to cringe at the realization that his bare knees were touching a most likely germ filled motel room floor.

He took a deep breath as he spoke knowing that this wasn’t exactly what he’d imagined for this moment, but he couldn’t stand to wait any longer. “I love you, I know I say that all the time now…but maybe I’m just trying to make up for the past…how cold I was to you when we first met…how complicated it was us falling for each other admitting we wanted each other…and all the situations I’ve put you through since then.”

She frowned interrupting him her voice soft and reassuring. “You don’t have to make up for anything Spence. I’d do it all again without question.”

Reid shook his head speaking again giving her hand a squeeze reassuring her that he knew exactly what he was trying to say. “I feel like I constantly need to show you I love you…show you how thankful I am that you’re still here. You’ve been there with me through so much. You never let me give up on us…you never give up on me. You have put me in my place more than once…chewed me out and made me wake up more than once. You’ve been so patient with me…always. You have stood by me and kept me sane…kept me from falling apart. You’ve been strong for me when I can’t find it in myself to do so. You’ve been brave for me when I’m afraid. I can’t imagine my life without you in it…that’s why I need to make sure that you stay in my life forever. You’ve told me before…that our story isn’t over yet…I don’t want it to ever end. That’s why I have something to ask you.”

He opened his hand reveling the red velvet box he was hiding. He opened it his hands shaking a little as he revealed the ring inside. It was simple but elegant. A small round diamond settled into a silver band.

He’d found it at an antique shop after search for what seemed like forever for the perfect ring for her. He knew she’d love the detail he’d had included at the shop he’d taken to to have it re-sized to fit her. He’d had one phrase engraved into the band; Forever and Always.

He spoke his eyes staring up at hers hoping he’d chosen right with this ring. “Marry me, Y/N please make me even more happy than you already make me and be my wife.”

Y/N took him by surprise launching forward her lips meeting his she almost knocking him to the ground.

He laughed against the kiss reluctantly pulling his lips from hers as he spoke. “Is that a yes?”

She nodded her head finally working the words from her her eyes growing damp. “Yes, of course it’s a yes.”

He slid the ring one her finger relieved that he’d guessed her ring size correctly.

She stared down at it her voice soft as she looked back up him. “I love you.”

He pulled her against him not caring how awkward they probably looked both nude he still kneeling beside the bed their hair probably a mess from their previous activities.

He spoke his voice just as soft his own eyes growing damp. “I love you too.”

She spoke needing to say the words knowing it would deepen exactly how they felt at the moment. “Forever and Always.”

Reid nodded his head in agreement parroting her words. “Forever and Always.”


	2. Orange Seed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested that I continue this. It will be three parts. So one more chapter after this.

The ballgown was gorgeous, there was no doubt about it…it was also heavy as all hell. Y/N couldn’t help but to feel the need to shift her feet in an attempt to steady her balance as the gown weighed her petite figure down. Not only did the fabric add weight to the dress but there was also the tulle and lace overly and the crystal beading oh and he pearls…she felt less like a bride and more like she was wearing a fabric store’s entire stock that had somehow been stitched together by a very unbalanced dressmaker.

This definitely was not the dress for her, no way no how.

She tried to resist bringing her palm to her face as she heard Garcia let out a squeal the bubbly blonde’s voice ecstatic she so excited she began to clap. “Oh, Y/N you look so pretty!”

Y/N stared at her friend’s reflections in the mirror in front of her trying her best to give a smile though it came out sheepish as she spoke. “It’s a little…heavy…and it’s uh, it’s a lot.”

“Yeah a lot of gorgeous!” Garcia insisted, Y/N sending JJ, Tara, and Emily a look of desperation hoping they’d back her up and save her from this madness.

To be honest she’d only tried this dress on at Garcia’s insistence. The bridal store consultant had made the mistake of allowing Y/N’s friends to begin pulling dresses they thought she might like, and now they were in this mess.

Y/N had decided to let the girls amuse themselves. Everyone was so psyched for Reid’s and her engagement after all. They were family and they just wanted to help. They were doing everything they could to help with the wedding plans out of their love for Reid and Y/N. Garcia, Emily, and JJ were in her bridal party after all. Garcia was her maid of honor. So it made since that they be involved in this process.

All of Garcia’s dress picks were giving Y/N some serious remorse for her decision to let her friends pull dresses. Every single one of Garcia’s dress picks had been over the top shiny tulle messes and Y/N was beginning to feel more like Garcia’s barbie doll than a bride to be.

Thankfully JJ spoke taking sympathy on Y/N giving her a helping hand. “Y/N might need something that’s got a little more coverage…I mean Spence and she are getting married in late October…so the weather will already be getting pretty cold by then.”

“The wedding and the reception are indoors though.” Garcia pointed out Emily fast to speak putting a stop to it before Garcia suggested altering the dress so sleeves could be added to the strapless ballgown.

“Yeah but, ya know, that dress is kind of heavy looking…it’s a lot of fabric and…Y/N might want something a little lighter.”

Tara nodded in agreement being sure to add on. “To be honest, I don’t really see Y/N as being a ballgown kinda girl. I mean she looks pretty in it, but she’s a tiny girl. So, that dress kinda swallows her”

Y/N shot Emily, Tara, and JJ a thankful look as she spoke working up the courage to agree now that she knew she had backup. “Yeah, ballgowns really aren’t my style to be honest…It feels like it’s just too much fabric for me to deal with. I was definitely thinking I might need something lighter with a bit more coverage…I mean this dress is…pretty, don’t get me wrong…it’s just a bit, uh it doesn’t really provide much coverage to my body…it shows a little too much skin. It makes my boobs pretty apparent, there’s pretty much nothing left to the imagination in that area thanks to the corset thing this gown has going on… and you can see my shoulders and part of my back which means I can’t hide my tattoo…which will mean my mother will freak out…and yeah…ahem I definitely need something a little less extravagant.”

“Your mom doesn’t know about your tattoo?” JJ asked not helping but to be curious as she eyed the small crescent moon inked into Y/N’s skin over her right shoulder blade.

It wasn’t a large tattoo. It was just a simple crescent moon shape that was filled with an intricate mandala pattern. There was nothing about it that made it truly freak out worthy. Then again she was guessing from the few things Y/N had said about her mom, that her mother was prone to freak outs.

Y/N cleared her throat nodding her head as she explained. “Nope, she doesn’t have a clue…I got it when I was eighteen…like literally the day I turned eighteen”

She paused her throat tight as she squeezed out the rest of her statement not helping but to reminisce out loud just a little bit “My sister…May…she got one too…we had matching ones..it was actually May’s design, her art…she was actually a pretty amazing artist…I couldn’t draw a straight line but she made her living tattooing people…I think that was her way of separating herself from me, ya know looks wise…when we were kids people always pointed out we looked so alike, which duh…we were identical twins, so obviously we looked alike… I guess it didn’t help that my mom had a thing for dressing us pretty much exactly the same through out the entirety of our childhoods. I mean like matching dresses and overalls and like even our shoes matched. We didn’t wear outfits that didn’t match until middle school when we were old enough to argue against wearing matching dresses. I think once we became adults May decided to rebel by covering herself in ink…unlike me who decided that the pain was way too intense for me to get anymore tattoos…May got way into it though…It was her way of showing everyone that we might look identical, but we were different people.”

JJ gave Y/N a tight smile apologies clear in her blue eyes noticing the catch in Y/N’s voice when she mentioned her deceased twin.

Y/N never really talked about it too much though her sister had died during Y/N’s first year working at the BAU. She’d simply made a trip back to her hometown for the funeral and came right back to DC asap. She’d pretty much turned away anyone’s attempts to console her or bond with her over the subject. Reid was really the only one Y/N had ever really opened up to when it came to her twin. He was the only one she allowed to comfort her.

As time had gone on Y/N had learned to cope with the loss of her twin…there will still little moments though where she was overwhelmed by how much she missed her…she’d been a piece of her after all. They’d grown in the womb together, hell they’d been one single egg at one point before they’d split off into separate zygotes. They’d been extremely close growing up, obviously. They’d almost been entirely dependent on each other as children neither of them really forming too many friendships outside of one another. They’d been best friends. Even once they’d reached adulthood and their lives and choices had taken different paths, they’d talked at least once almost every single day.

Y/N could admit as Reid and she had moved forward planning their wedding, Y/N was once again overwhelmed with how much she missed her twin. May should be here, she should have lived. She should have been able to meet the love of her sister’s life. Y/N had a feeling May would have adored Reid, though she probably would have lovingly threatened him to take care of Y/N or else. May should be here right now helping Y/N plan her wedding.

Life wasn’t fair though. Her sister was dead and buried and the man who’d hit her with his car had gotten a slap on the wrist with not nearly enough jail time and mandatory drug and alcohol rehab.

Y/N took a deep breath trying not to let herself get too worked up over this; not right now at least. Today was supposed to be a happy day. She was out with her friends and they’d just had brunch and now they were shopping for bridal gowns. This was supposed to be a good day.

She knew she’d been a bit emotional lately. She knew that this was probably why Reid had seemed to spend so much time lately pressing his lips over her tattoo as they laid in bed at night. He was trying to let her know he understood what she was feeling. He was trying to let her know that it was okay…he was trying to reassure without words.

Y/N cleared her throat as she spoke again continuing to shift in place the gown not feeling any lighter a grimace on her face as she thought of her mother. There was a reason her mother wasn’t here for this bridal fitting and it wasn’t just because of distance. “But yeah, uh…my mother doesn’t know about the tattoo, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.”

She bit her tongue deciding not to explain what she’d found out about her tattoo after the fact. Crescent moons were supposed to symbolize regeneration and were often associated with motherhood and fertility….how appropriate.

She spoke again nodding down at the dress she was still stuck in it feeling as though it was weighing her down more and more by the second. “I really don’t think this is the dress for me. I really do want something a little lighter…something I can move in ya know, I mean I’d like to be able to have my first dance with Spencer without feeling like I’m gonna topple over…and yeah I would like something with way more coverage so that I don’t freeze to death on my wedding day.”

She paused clearing her throat as she went into more explanation not helping but to feel the excited smile cross her lips. “I mean we’re having the ceremony and the reception indoors…thanks to Rossi and the offer to use his place as a wedding location, but we were thinking about doing our photos outdoors…kind of to capture that whole autumn scenery. Spence has got it in his head that we need pumpkins in our wedding photos. He’s talked me into at least having one or two jack-o-lanterns in the photos…I think he’s pretty much decided that just because we picked the twentieth and not the thirty first that it doesn’t mean he’s going to be denied a little bit of his favorite holiday…ya know a little hint of Halloween within reason.”

She took a deep breath ignoring the girls amused stifled giggles they already aware of just how into this entire wedding planning thing Reid had gotten. He’d bought several bridal magazines and showed no shame in flipping through them. He had a lot of opinions about the wedding. Y/N knew he was just excited. He’d kind of thought he’d never really get married, he’d been convinced he’d never find anyone who’d want to marry him. Now that he had found Y/N he wanted to go all out.

Y/N had the slightest feeling she’d be reeling him in, reminding him that some of his more outlandish ideas didn’t always reflect their budget. She had a feeling she’d have to gently remind him that they were trying to keep themselves from spending a small fortune on this wedding. They wanted to keep things simple; small guest list and doing as many things themselves as they could manage.

She spoke again running a hand through her hair as she began to describe a dress that was more up her alley. It was her dream dress to be honest. “I was thinking less tulle and maybe just something lace…something with long sleeves too. I was thinking maybe wide sleeves, like bell sleeves…and yeah something less poofy…maybe like an empire waist or something…maybe something kind of light and loose. I want to be comfortable.”

She left off the final part of her statement: I’m going to need something I can alter when the time comes because my belly is going to be expanding before we reach the wedding date. I’ll be at least seven months along by the time I walk down the aisle.

The positive pregnancy test had been a shock…so far Y/N was the only one who knew…well Y/N and her primary care physician.

It sounded dumb, but when Y/N had first started feeling off she’d tried to convince herself it was simply that she’d just got a bad batch of Thai food.

Reid had been out of town for the past week, Rossi and he were giving a lecture on mission oriented serial killers having been invited by the FBI field office in Seattle.

So, Y/N hadn’t really seen a point in cooking for just herself. She’d grown to enjoy cooking for Reid, without him there to enjoy her cooking it just seemed like a waste. She was pretty much incapable of cooking a decent meal for one person. So she’d fallen back a little on her single life habits; take out and TV dinners. She’d been eating a lot of take out while Reid had been gone.

As she’d continued to feel nauseous though she’d decided to make an appointment with her usual doctor.

She’d just expected to be told she’d caught some sort of stomach virus or maybe the flu.

She hadn’t expected her doctor to decide to do some blood work. She hadn’t expected much when her doctor had asked her about her periods, not even when she’d admitted that Reid and she had been going without using contraceptives, taking a more lenient (if it happens it happens) approach to trying for kids.

She knew it might be a little naive of her not to realize just what was wrong with her. All the signs were there.

The results had come back quicker than Y/N had been expecting they would. As it turned out Y/N had a detectable level of HcG in her blood which meant that she was in fact pregnant.

She knew it sounded really dumb but she had to admit she’d gone straight to a drug store after that doctors appointment and bought a good old fashioned Clear Blue brand pregnancy test…in fact she’d bought three of them and a big jug of water.

She wasn’t sure why she thought she needed to take a few pregnancy tests as well. She’d just been afraid that the doctor had made a mistake…surely people could misread blood results.

All three tests had confirmed what the doctor had said though, that Y/N was in fact pregnant.

Y/N hadn’t told Reid yet…he was still out of town after all. It seemed so wrong telling him something so huge over the phone.

It was news he deserved to hear in person.

She was pulled from these thoughts as the bridal consultant spoke up. “I think I might have a dress in the back that is pretty close to what you’re describing.”

Y/N mouthed a thanks to her resisting the urge to reach down and place her hand over her womb. It was something she’d been fighting the urge to do all day.

She still just couldn’t believe it; a baby. She was getting something she’d dreamed of since she’d first realized she loved Dr. Spencer Reid; his baby. They were having a baby. They were a family now.

She had a pretty good idea of when they’d conceived.

It had to have been the night of their engagement party. Rossi had thrown them an engagement party and they’d enjoyed champagne and lots of good food. They’d had a fun night of celebrating.

They’d come home late the both of them pretty drained but undeniably into showing each other a little love.

The plan had been that they’d take a bath together and soak up a little romantic moment to end the night off right. Baths were always a tight and a bit of an awkward fit given Reid’s long body, but it was still a favorite past-time for them.

They hadn’t made it to the bath though. They hadn’t even managed to begin filling the tub. The next thing Y/N knew she’d been bent over over the bathroom counter Reid and she staring at their reflections in the mirror as he took her from behind.

It had been a bit unexpected. She guessed Reid and she had just been really into the idea of getting off and sharing a little love with each other. They’d spent the night celebrating their love and she guessed now it was time to show one another some love. To be honest Reid had been thinking about getting some alone time with her all night. As much as they loved their team they could be a bit overbearing, especially when all Reid and she wanted was a few stolen moments to themselves. He apparently had decided he couldn’t wait until after their bath to show her how much he loved her.

The experiance had been pretty intense. She’d never imagined how incredibly erotic it would be to see herself in the mirror as Reid pounded into her…not to mention being able to see his reactions in the mirror. She was pretty sure she’d never cum so many times in one session. There was just something about seeing Reid’s face, in absolute ecstasy as he took her, that did it for her. The entire experience had been pretty amazing. They’d both been pretty sore the next day. They’d definitely found some interesting bruises on their bodies, but it had been worth it.

She was pretty sure that was the night Reid had managed to get her pregnant. The more she thought about it the more the dates seemed to line up.

She felt her skin flush ever so slightly as she easily remembered the words Reid had found himself moaning as he took her that night. “My baby, my fiancee. Gonna be my wife, my sweet angel, gonna marry me, fuck.”

She’d never thought the act of Reid simply telling her she was going to marry him would get her off so easily.

Y/N felt her cheeks flush darker as Emily spoke pulling her from her more lusty thoughts. “The request Reid and you put in for two weeks off for the honeymoon is being processed by the way. There shouldn’t be any problems with it going through and I’m promising you the same thing I promised Reid, I won’t call either of you for a case during your honeymoon.”

Y/N shot her a thankful smile hoping it wasn’t obvious that she’d just been thinking about one of the activities Reid and she would most likely be spending their honeymoon engaging in.

She wasn’t surprised as JJ spoke up. “Where are you going for the honeymoon anyway?”

Y/N cleared her throat explaining their plans. “Colorado…Spence found a ski lodge he’s pretty psyched about. The honeymoon suite looked nice on the website and it’s in our budget. It’s high enough in the mountains that hopefully, unless there’s some freak occurrence in the weather, it’ll already be snowing in October.”

“Reid’s gonna ski? I mean…the snow in Colorado? You’re not gonna just go to like Hawaii or the Bahamas or Tahiti or something tropical?” Garcia asked a frown crossing her face as she tried to picture Reid anywhere near skis. The man just seemed to have too long of limbs for it to be a good idea to place him on a pair of skis. All she could picture was a giant snowball hurling down a mountain with poor Reid contained somewhere inside of it.

Y/N smiled shaking her head putting everyone’s minds at ease that she wouldn’t be returning Reid to the BAU with a broken limb. “No, no skiing for us, he just wanted to go somewhere with snow. He never really got to enjoy the snow when he was a kid…given the whole being from Vegas thing…and we’ve liked the snow in DC…except for when we have to make a commute in it, so a honeymoon in Colorado sounded nice…We thought a lodge somewhere in the snow would be a good way to get away from everything…It’ll be private, a nice escape from life. Hawaii would have been nice, but Spence doesn’t like the beach. So no dice…I’m not going to torture him by making him go somewhere where most of the activities available to us involve the beach.”

Garcia didn’t miss a chance to speak her words making Y/N flush all the more. “Don’t try to fool us Sugarbean. We all know Reid and you won’t want to engage in any activities outside of the bedroom.”

Tara nodded her head in agreement a sigh leaving her lips. “It’s the truth…I mean I’ve had the displeasure of being roomed nextdoor to you two when we’ve been put up in a hotel on cases…I wasn’t able to make eye-contact with either of you for a week after a few nights of that. I don’t think you two realize how thin the walls are in those places.”

“We aren’t that bad.” Y/N tried to defend herself only to be met with Garcia’s comments.

“Uh, yeah you are. Trust us…you are.”

Y/N was thankful as the bridal attendant returned to the room Y/N’s cheeks flushing slightly hoping that the poor woman hadn’t overheard any little kernels of knowledge about her bedroom activities.

Y/N couldn’t wipe the smile from her lips as the attendant held up a lace gown. “I think this might be what you’re looking for.”

Y/N couldn’t stop her heart from swooning as she eyed the dress. It was exactly what she’d been describing as her ideal gown. “I think I agree.”

She smiled as she was taken back to the dressing room to ditch the ballgown and slide into what she was certain was her dream gown.

She took a deep breath as she was assisted in changing. She just hoped this dream gown could be altered when the time came. She’d need the room to grow, thanks to Reid’s and her new addition.

……………………………………………..

Y/N was stunned to find the front door unlocked as she made her way back to Reid’s and her apartment.

She found herself adjusting the apartment keys in her hand, She locking her hand down over the pepper spray keychain she carried as self defense.

No it wasn’t nearly as intimidating as her gun, but her gun was currently located in the bedroom locked away and safe. She was pretty sure she couldn’t reach the gun in time. So the pepper spray would have to do for now. If anything pepper spray could disorient her attacker enough for her to fight back or run away.

All the adrenaline that had been building up in her body ready for a fight disappeared as soon as she spotted her would-be assailant fast asleep on the sofa.

The man asleep on the couch wasn’t a burglar, just her exhausted fiance fast asleep with an open book resting against his rising and falling chest.

She bit her cheek to stop herself from laughing at the sight. Poor guy probably hadn’t slept well all week. He’d probably gotten even less sleep on the jet ride home.

She could admit she was tempted to sneak up on him and give him a little scare, but she already knew he didn’t exactly take to being woken up in that manner.

She had been able to do it in the past, before his time spend in that Mexico prison. Now he didn’t like surprises, at least not those kinds of surprises. He felt more vulnerable when he slept now…she knew it was the PTSS. He had his good days and his bad days, thankfully as time went on the good days outweighed the bad.

She did her best to be as quiet as possible taking his book from his chest and placing it on the coffee table before she covered him with a fleece blanket they kept draped over the back of the sofa.

Y/N continued to be as quiet as possible leaving him to rest as she made her way to the kitchen dropping her purse on the counter. She let out a tired sigh as he went to the fridge searching for the orange juice.

She was relieved that the glass she’d pulled from the cabinet, for her orange juice, was plastic because as soon as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist she dropped the glass she’d been holding.

She felt him press his face to her neck the obvious laughter that was leaving his neck vibrating against her. She spoke not helping but to scold him for scaring the crap out of her he obviously so pleased with himself judging by his giggles. “You aren’t funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. I didn’t meant to scare you, I promise.” Reid replied finally pulling from her neck though she could still hear a hint of laughter in his voice.

She turned to face him rolling her eyes ever so slightly as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re lucky that I missed you.”

“Missed you more.” He insisted his lips sliding along hers she unable to stop herself from smiling into the kiss as he slid his hands down her body clearly very into showing her just how badly he’d missed her this past week.

She reluctantly pulled from him before he took this direction he was clearly heading, though he did manage to get in a few pecks to her lips before she spoke. “How was the lecture?”

“Pretty uneventful, which is a relief. I think we at least spread some good information….the lecture was actually pretty full. I guess enough people were interested. Rossi still keeps trying to tell baseball jokes to me though.” Reid admitted a sheepish smile crossing his lips hating to admit that most jokes occasionally flew over his head, especially sports humor.

He spoke again a small huff leaving his lips. “Rossi said I repeat word for word: at least your fiancee thinks my jokes are funny.”

Y/N pressed a kiss to his lips giving his cheek a pat. “It’s not my fault I spent too much time with my grandfather while I was growing up…Papa liked his Sunday baseballs games up till the day he died.”

She pressed another kiss to his lips thinking of that special gift she’d wrapped up for him a few days before. “I have a surprise for you.”

“So do I. Can I give you mine first?” Reid remarked causing her to chuckle.

It was a habit they’d developed, any time they had to be apart they got something to bring back to each other. It was never anything big. Usually it was just something small, candy that they knew the other liked, a stupid little knick-knack, a book, or something else pretty small. It was always something they knew the other would appreciate though. Reid had started this tradition up after he’d been released from prison. She guessed it was just his way of reassuring her, letting her know she was never far from his mind even when they were apart.

She nodded her head knowing her surprise for him could wait a little longer. She reluctantly allowed him to pull from her watching him as he headed off towards the bedroom.

It didn’t take him long to return a small object in his hands wrapped up in bright blue tissue paper. He handed it over to her his voice soft. “I wanted to wrap it, but I didn’t have a chance. So this will have to do. Just be careful it’s got glass in it.”

Y/N furrowed her brow taking the object from him it pretty heavy for something so small. She unwrapped it gently treating it with care like Reid suggested. She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her lips as she revealed the surprise.

It was a snow globe, a small one containing a tiny model of the Space Needle along with a few other buildings from downtown Seattle. It looked like a typical little tourist souvenir, but Y/N couldn’t help but to find herself adoring it.

Reid spoke his heart swooning the smile on her lips telling him he’d done well. He spoke nodding down to the snow globe. “I know you don’t have one for Seattle yet….I mean the only times you’ve been there we’ve been on a case, so you haven’t really been able to get one. I already found you one from Vegas when I had to go back there and straighten out some of my mom’s affairs…and I got you that one from Los Angeles when you broke your wrist pretty soon after we started dating…Hotch made you go on desk duty and hang out with Garcia while the rest of us were gone on a case…so I bought you that snow globe with the Hollywood Hills in it to let you know I was thinking about you…I know we hadn’t even started the gift tradition yet, but I couldn’t stop myself from doing it…It was the first one I snow globe I bought you. I thought I’d take advantage of being forced to be in Seattle for that lecture, and see if I could get another one for you.”

Y/N pressed her lips adoring his gift all the more. Only Spencer Reid could remember she had collected snow globes off and on since she was a kid. Only Reid could remember that fact enough to want to buy her more for her collection. She could still remember that snow globe he’d gotten her back when they’d first started dating. She’d been in awe that he’d remembered a fact about her that she’d so casually mentioned. She was sure she’d mentioned the snow globe thing before they were even dating; back when he’d still been so reluctant to warm up to her. That had made it even more astonishing that he’d remembered her love of snow globes.

She spoke as she pulled away from his lips her words genuine. “Thank you Spence, I love it.”

They managed to exchange several more kisses Reid easily getting lost in them trying to coax her into more than kisses. She forced herself back to her senses pulling from him as she spoke. “Let me go get your surprise.”

Reid reluctantly allowed her to pull away from him she being sure to place her new snow globe on the bookshelf where most of the snow globes she’d collected over the years were housed.

It didn’t take her long to return with a square box wrapped with pretty lilac paper. She handed it over to Reid he frowning at how light the box was. It was paper light.

He got to work upwrapping his gift his confusion only growing as he opened the box to discover a folded piece of paper.

Y/N felt herself hold her breath unintentionally as she watched Reid place the box down on the kitchen counter he unfolding what she’d just given him.

She watched him read what was one the other side of the sheet of paper it not taking him long at all thanks to his ability to read so quickly. He stared up at her his eyes growing wide the words leaving his lips in a squeak. “Is this what I think it is?”

Y/N gave him a small smile praying that he was going to react to the news the way she was hoping. “I would have wrapped the home pregnancy tests I took…but that felt a little too disgusting. I mean…I peed on em, so, ya know it kinda felt like it’d be super gross to wrap em or even hang on to them…I thought the blood test results from the doctor might be a better option.”

“You’re sure?” Reid squeaked out again his hands shaking ever so slightly as he stared from her back down to the results back to her again.

She nodded her head that breath she was holding still unable to leave her as she prepared for whatever may come. What if he’d changed his mind about having kids? What if he wasn’t ready? He’d seemed so hesitant at times when they’d made love, like he was freaked out knowing that she could possibly get pregnant. What if he’d already changed his mind and he just hadn’t worked up the nerve to break the bad news to her yet?

“Yeah, I’m sure.” She remarked her heart slamming in her chest.

She paused trying to study his face, get a better read on what he was thinking. He was staring back down at the results his fingers tracing the print. She spoke up the words leaving her needing to just come out and say it, make it as real as possible. “I’m pregnant…I’m not that far along, probably four maybe five weeks along according to Dr. Richards.”

She was taken off guard as Reid dropped the results down on the kitchen counter he wasting zero time to embrace her. He rocked her against him practically lifting her from the ground as his lips began to press to every bit of her he could reach; her face down to her neck and back up her face again.

Y/N couldn’t stop the giggle from leaving her as this continued for a long while Reid finally lowering her back to the ground his arms apparently growing tired of holding her up. He didn’t pull from her though continuing to hold her close as he spoke his voice sounding dazed and far off. “We did it, we actually did it.”

“Yeah, we did. I’m thinking the night of our engagement party is what did it. I mean the dates line up.” She admitted Reid’s cheeks flushing ever so slightly he easily remembering what they’d done that night.

He recovered from his bashfulness rather quickly as he spoke his voice a little frantic worry already beginning to cloud his brain his hold on her still not loosening. “Dr. Richards said you’re okay though right? I mean everything seems okay so far? Have you found an OBGYN yet? Have you made an appointment? When can we get one? Have you started taking prenatal vitamins yet?”

“Yes, everything seems pretty standard so far…I’m still pretty early on though, but so far so good. Yes I already found an OBGYN that Dr. Richards suggested. Her name is Dr. Mirai Nararyan. Dr. Richards spoke highly of her and insisted she was one of the best OBGYN’s in the area. I won’t need to see her till I’m at least six weeks. I’ve already set the appointment, so we can let Emily know that we need to leave early that day. I’ll technically be further along than six weeks by the appointment date I got, but the doctor seemed to think I’d be okay. Yes, I have begun taking prenatal vitamins. I started taking them the day after I found out.” Y/N explained more than accustomed to her fiance’s neurotic tendencies.

Reid nodded his head a sigh of relief leaving him as he spoke not shying away from giving her an information dump. “Good, did you know that there’s a 29% reduction in mortality for newborns when a mother has access to prenatal vitamins? Adopting a regular routine of taking vitamins can especially be helpful especially when the mother is anemic. And interestingly enough 38% of women worldwide will struggle with anemia during pregnancy. Prenatal vitamins have actually been shown to reduce occurrences of low birth weight which can play a major role in an infants survival the first six months of life.”

Y/N tried not to cringe at the mention of infant mortality Reid catching the flash of discomfort in her face he quick to press an apologetic kiss to her lips his voice soft. “Sorry…you know how I can get when I let myself hyperfocus…I kind of started researching things when we first started talking about maybe trying to get pregnant…I got a little carried away.”

Y/N gave him a tight smile not at all surprised to hear any of this. Of course he’d done research.

Reid managed to drop the subject his hand moving down to press to her flat stomach his voice soft as he stared down between them at it. He couldn’t help but to be mesmerized by the sight of his hand over her stomach, over life. “We’re having a baby.”

She smiled pressing a kiss to his lips as she spoke. “I know, weird huh?”

“Very, but amazing…perfect.” Reid murmured pulling back and taking her by shock as he dropped down to his knees pressing his cheek to her stomach his arms wrapping around her waist.

She felt herself melt as he spoke his voice soft. “I’m so sorry to break it to you, but I’m your dad…the good news is you have an amazing mom, but you’re kind of stuck with me in the dad department.”

Y/N spoke shaking her head as she began to stroke his unruly hair her voice sweet as she stared down at her stomach speaking to the life developing inside her. “Don’t listen to him. You’re very lucky to have him as your dad.”

Reid couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his lips; lucky. That’s exactly what they were, so lucky.

…………………………………….

Y/N tried not to chuckle as Reid and she stood in the break room in the bullpen that next week. He stood closer to her than he’d usually allow himself to at work. He usually tried to at least behave professionally during work hours when it came to showing Y/N affection. He apparently had thrown that practice out the window though as he stood as close as he possibly could to her. Reid allowed his hand to slide along her side wrapping his arm around her waist to rest his hand against her stomach as they stood in front of the coffee maker.

Well Reid was getting to have coffee, Y/N had to rely on decaffeinated herbal green tea at the moment. Even if she felt okay having caffeine in her current condition, Reid’s offspring had apparently decided that the scent of coffee was horrendous and made this known by making Y/N puke at the scent of Reid’s usual early morning cup of coffee back at their apartment.

She was just relieved that she was managing to stave off nausea for now. She’d spent a good part of her morning draped over the toilet though Reid doing his best to hold back her hair and not allow himself to get just as nauseous as he listened to her vomit.

Needless to say Y/N somehow had the feeling that Baby Reid wasn’t going to be a coffee addict like its’ father.

She spoke unhappy that she had to put a stop to this her voice low as Reid rubbed her stomach ever so slightly. It was a tiny habit he’d developed in the days since he’d found out he was going to be a father. “You better watch all the belly rubs. We don’t want anyone to figure out the big news before we tell them.”

Reid let out a soft sigh reluctant to stop touching her stomach. He’d found that he couldn’t stop himself. Every time he looked at her he felt his hand itch to touch her and remind himself that she was carrying his child. He couldn’t believe it. He felt like so many things were finally going well for him. He was getting married to the love of his life and she was having his baby. It was more than he’d dreamed he’d be allowed to have, especially after all he’d been through in the past few years alone.

He spoke his voice low knowing he sounded as stubborn as he felt. “No one is looking.”

They’d decided that they wanted to wait to share the big news until they were a little further along. They just wanted to be out of the woods and sure that nothing was going to go wrong before they told anyone. No it wasn’t easy to keep it to themselves, but the alternative seemed heartbreaking. They hated the thought of having a miscarriage and then having to tell everyone that the pregnancy hadn’t taken right after they’d just shared the happy news. It just sounded too painful.

So it was best to keep this to themselves for a little longer. Once she was out of the woods and they were sure everything was going to be okay, then they’d tell everyone.

Until then this could just be their secret.

Reid was forced to part from Y/N he trying to hide the fact that he’d been cuddling her. He moved frantically almost completely spilling the cup of coffee he’d been making as JJ’s voice sounded out behind them. “Guys we have a case.”

Y/N ignored Reid’s flustered movements he scrambling with a paper-towel attempting to clean up the few puddles of coffee that had escaped his cup from the counter.

She took a sip of her tea ignoring the look of confusion on JJ’s face as she watched a frantic Reid try to clean avoiding eye contact. Y/N spoke nodding back at him as she began to head towards the conference room. “He’s had too much coffee this morning.”

JJ raised an eyebrow as she moved to follow Y/N. “So his usual amount?”

……

Everyone settled around the round table in the conference room crime scene photos flashing up on the screen as JJ explained. “Portland PD has found five victims in the past few months, all strangled and then stabbed all dumped buried in shallow gravesites along hiking trails…all discovered only a few days after estimated time of death. Pretty much all the victims fit the same demographic, all in their twenties all brunettes with petite builds. Every single victim worked a night shift waitressing in local diners. They each disappeared after their night shift ended. The Medical examiner found bruising around their ankles and wrists suggesting they’d been held for some period of time before their death. The ME also found that the cause of death was due to multiple stab wounds all in the same places in each victim, they were all stabbed in the heart. The ME also found food in their stomachs, all the same meals showing that they’d eaten close to their time of death. There were traces of Rohypnol found in their blood. From the looks of it these girls were given several does of the drugs over a few days.”

“Rohypnol? The date rape drug? That’s not even legally available in the US” Emily asked a frown crossing her features.

“He’s apparently found a supply. It is still used in some countries to treat insomnia. Perhaps he’s found a way to get it shipped to him…found a way to get it past customs.” Reid provided shifting in his chair as he looked up from his case file

Y/N spoke explaining a theory her eyes locked down on her own case file. “The unsub might find that it’s easier to control his victims if they’re sedated. That may suggest someone who isn’t physically capable of subduing a victim. Perhaps tying them up is just a back up plan…in case the drugs wear off.”

JJ nodded her head speaking again. “That’s not all. There are some signs of sexual assault on the victims, but they were unable to find any matches when they ran the DNA. Another strange thing is that every victim was found dressed alike; red sundress with a gray sweater and no shoes.”

“So the unsub abducts them, dresses them alike, keeps them drugged, feeds them sexually assaults them…then murders them?” Alvez asked Reid nodding his head fast to speak up.

“And he strangled them then stabbed them suggesting overkill…or he simply found that it was too difficult to strange his victims. It’s surprisingly difficult to strange someone with your bare hands. If Y/N is right and the unsub is physically incapable of physically subduing his victims then he might have found it too difficult to strangle them. The Unsub may have grown frustrated and decided that stabbing was just the easier way to kill his victims.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow almost tempted to point out that she was a little worried that her fiance seemed to be aware just how difficult it was to strangle someone. She held it in though having long discovered that it was just easier to accept that Reid possessed more obscure knowledge than any person needed. “But why did he continue to strange his victims if he discovered stabbing was easier…and stabbing the heart? Why the heart?”

“Maybe it’s not convenience then, maybe the strangling isn’t meant to kill. It might be meant to torture the victims.” Rossi provided Y/N trying to ignore the chill that ran down her back. She’d once read that strangling was one of the most painful ways to die. She turned her focus from the crime scene photo, poor girl had bruising around her neck where whoever did this to her had tried and failed to strangle her.

JJ let out a sigh as she spoke up. “It gets worse. There’s a reason we were called in. The Unsub broke his pattern. His last victim was thirty year old Madeline Mills, a housewife from a more affluent area of the city. She’s married to a marketing exec…she went grocery shopping and her husband became concerned when she didn’t come home. Her five year old daughter Kate went missing with her. Security footage from the grocery store parking lot shows Madeline and her daughter going into the store, but it doesn’t show them leaving. They’ve found Madeline’s body…but still no sign of her daughter.”

Garcia let out a shaky breath Reid making her more miserable as he spoke. “Seventy Four percent of all abducted children are killed within three hours of the abduction.”

JJ nodded a frown crossing her features. “Which doesn’t look good for Kate Mills…it get’s worse though.”

“How much worse can it get?” Garcia asked JJ giving her an apologetic look as she explained.

“Madeline Mills…she was pregnant.”

Y/N didn’t miss the way Reid’s hand slid over her stomach at this comment. She placed her hand over his trying to soothe him silently the both of them feeling their breathing become uneven. She swallowed the lump in her throat relieved that everyone else seemed too caught up in the case to notice the touch of Reid’s hand to her stomach.

Tara was fast to speak a frown crossing her features. “What makes the local PD think that this case is connected?”

JJ sighed as she explained. “Madeline Mill’s body showed the same signs as the other victims, same MO, just a different victim type.”

JJ spoke again shaking her head. “The media is having a field day on the discovery of Madeline Mill’s body and the disappearance of her daughter. The local PD is calling us in to see if we can get a handle on this.”

JJ cleared her throat as she spoke again. “They’re expecting us. This isn’t going to be pretty…the media attention is going to be intense…missing kid, it’s going to be all over the news.”

Reid spoke his stomach churning unable to force himself to remove his hand from Y/N’s stomach. “Which may put the unsub in a panic…if Kate Mills hasn’t already been killed…media attention might cause him to decide to kill her.”

Emily stood up from her seat a sigh leaving her lips. “Gather your ready bags. We leave in twenty.”

………………………….

The case wasn’t going well…JJ was right the local media were crawling outside the police station and poor Kate Mill’s father looked as though he was shell of a person. The police seemed a little hesitant by the FBI presence. Y/N had a feeling that the BAU weren’t exactly welcome here. The BAU being brought in on this was clearly more of an act of desperation than a real desire to have the feds here.

Another body had already been found, another thirty year old woman from a nice neighborhood. At least this victim hadn’t been pregnant.

Y/N couldn’t stop the chills from running through her even as she stood under the hot spray of the showerhead in her motel room.

The day had been long and Emily had sent everyone to get a little sleep. They were more useful awake than exhausted.

Y/N couldn’t help but to jump as the shower curtain swung open revealing her exhausted nude fiance. Reid stepped into the shower with her pressing himself close to her his arms embracing her.

They stood there in silence for a long while the act of him holding her more of a need for comfort than anything sexual.

She wasn’t surprised as Reid picked up a bottle of conditioner massaging it into Y/N’s long hair. She closed her eyes a soft sigh leaving her. She’d always loved the feel of him washing her hair. It was nice to at least realize that even in a moment like this the simple pleasure of Reid bathing her could still feel good.

He didn’t speak until she stepped under the spray rinsing the conditioner from her hair. “This case has been awful.”

She gave him a tight smile nodding her head. “And it’s only been two days.”

Reid shook his head a frown crossing his features. “We’re no closer to finding this guy than we were two days ago.”

Y/N felt the words leave her though she regretted them as soon as they left their lips. “Do you think there’s a chance Kate Mills is still alive?”

Reid let out a sigh pulling her back against him he holding her tight as he spoke unable to lie to her. “The statistics don’t favor it.”

Y/N let out a shaky sigh nodding her head relieved that for once Reid seemed to know not to give her the statistics. She already knew them though. He was right the statistics didn’t favor them finding Kate Mills alive.

“I keep thinking about her dad…that poor guy’s lost so much. He looks like he doesn’t even want to live.”

Reid felt his throat grow tight the words leaving him. “I can’t say I would want to live if it was me.”

Y/N felt a chill run down her back unable to stop herself from speaking. She couldn’t ignore the context behind his statement. “If anything ever happened to me I’d want you to keep living. You’d have to…promise me you would.”

“I can’t make that promise.” Reid admitted shaking his head her voice cracking he holding her all the tighter.

He paused a shaky sigh leaving him as he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it. I’ve lost too much as it is…I think if I had to add you to that list…especially now, considering…”

He paused staring down at her stomach before speaking again. “I have too much to lose now.”

Y/N frowned wanting to argue with him, wanting to tell him that she’d want him to keep living. She couldn’t find it in her to do it though. She was too exhausted to argue with him.

Reid let out a shaky sigh. “If I was David Mills…I’d want to die. I…if we find his daughter dead. It’s going to destroy him. I can’t even imagine what it must be like…I’ve said that before about other cases with missing kids… but it wasn’t like this…now, now I can relate…our baby is no bigger than an orange seed and I already know that if something happened to it and you both…I’d want to die.”

Y/N felt her throat grow tight wanting to be the one who encouraged him and talked some sense into him. In the past she would have been able to scold him for saying something like this. She would have given him some tough love; told him he was stronger than that. That he would have to live because if he died she’d kick his ass when he got to whatever afterlife existed after this.

She found herself unable to say a word though. She couldn’t force the words from her throat.

Reid spoke again shaking his head. “It’s stupid…but I have this bad feeling. It’s been hanging over me since we got on the jet.”

“It’s the case…Madeline Mills…she was pregnant. I’m pregnant…it makes sense that you feel off. You’re not the only one that’s feeling off…nothing is going to happen to me Spencer. Nothing is going to happen to us.” Y/N replied burying her head against his chest wanting to somehow pretend that none of this was happening. It’d be so easy to pretend that she and Reid were back in DC taking a shower at their apartment, not in some motel in Portland trying to find some monster who may or may not have a child in his clutches.

She spoke needing to say something to bring them both up needing to stop this talk before they fell apart. “Can you tell me more about the baby…You said it’s the size of an orange seed?”

Reid nodded his head a tight smile crossing his lips easily recalling the information he’d read in the research he’d done since she’d told him she was pregnant. “It has a tail…kind of like a tadpole…it has a rudimentary head and a tail….It’s neural tube is developing which will become the brain and the spinal cord…and all the major and minor organs are forming right now…the heart is only made of two tiny chambers right now but it should fuse together soon. There’s a small chance we could see the heartbeat by the seventh week I mean with an ultrasound, there’s a chance we could see it’s heart beating.”

Y/N nodded her head a small smile crossing her lips her fingers tracing his back hoping that she was managing to soothe them both. “Do you want to see if we can…when we go to my first appointment?”

“I’d like that.” Reid replied without a second thought.

Y/N pressed her lips to his her voice soft as she pulled away. “No matter what happens on this case…no matter how bad it gets…if they don’t find Kate Mills alive… Keep thinking about our Orange Seed when you start feeling hopeless.”

“I will, I promise…Forever and Always.” Reid replied Y/N giving him a small smile at the final part of his statement.

She parroted his words pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Forever and Always.”

Reid frowned a heavy sigh leaving him at the sound of his cell phone ringing.

He pulled from Y/N reluctant to leave her nude body and the warm shower.

Y/N sighed leaving the shower as well drying her body as she watched Reid talk on his cell. His phone call didn’t last long he hanging it up a frown crossing his features. “They found a girl…alive…He tried to abduct a girl and she got away. They didn’t get him though…someone approached them and the Unsub ran… Em wants us to go up to the hospital and talk to her.”

………………………………………………….

Y/N tried not to feel nauseous the smell of hospitals always making her feel ill. She guessed there were just a few too many bad memories tied to hospitals.

She was unable to stop herself from speaking as Reid and she walked into the main lobby of the hospital heading for the elevators. “I might suggest we do a home birth. This smell makes me sick.”

Reid frowned wanting to argue about all the risks involving a home birth but he bit his tongue deciding that now wasn’t the time. Instead he pushed the floor they were headed to as he spoke. “We’ll talk about it.”

It didn’t take them long to find the room they were looking for Helen Woodberry lying in a hospital bed her body black and blue with bruises.

Y/N felt her stomach churn at the sight of her. The Unsub was escalating. He hadn’t beaten any of the other girls he’d abducted.

Helen stared up at Y/N avoiding looking at Reid, Y/N felt her stomach churn knowing why…she had almost been taken by a male, Reid was a male.

The woman spoke her voice week. “I was taking a walk…My boyfriend was working late…he usually walks with me. We usually have to exercise late because of our work schedules…people tell us to just join a gym but we prefer the park…The guy he came up behind me…put a knife my back. He told me to come with him…that it was time to go home.”

She paused clutching down onto the ugly hospital bedsheets. “I took self defense…my sister and I both took it. I managed to headbutt him…He was pissed he started hitting me and he started to drag me to his car, he turned me to face him and he placed the knife against my chest, told me he’d kill me if I kept fighting.”

She took a shake breath as she spoke again. “That’s when the old man walked up…confronted him…I guess his eyesite was bad because he didn’t see the knife…He just saw my face…saw how freaked out I was…when he confronted us, the bastard shoved me to the ground and took off running…I didn’t see his license plate…why didn’t I see it, I’m so stupid.”

“You were scared. You were beaten pretty bad and it was dark.” Y/N replied trying to comfort Helen the woman shaking her head.

She spoke again. “He was insane… He kept telling me it was time to go home, that we needed to go home.”

Reid frowned fast to speak up. “Can you tell us what he looked like? Or what kind of car he drove, Anything you noticed about him?”

Helen frowned a heavy sigh leaving her lips. “He was young…thirties maybe. He looked kind of rough, like he needed a shave…He was a redhead…his eyes were so dull…like he wasn’t well. He had a limp…He was trying to hide it, but I could see it. I couldn’t see the year of his car but it looked like an Oldsmobile…a Cadillac.”

She paused taking another deep breath a frown crossing her face. “There was something else…his shirt.”

“What about his shirt?” Y/N asked writing down all the information Helen gave.

“I think it was for an auto shop…like a mechanic’s shirt…Lefty’s Auto shop or maybe it was Lucky’s Auto shop…It was dark I couldn’t see the words exactly…but it looked like one of those shirts a mechanic would wear..I remember it had a name above his right breast pocket….Bill, that was the name.” Helen explained.

Y/N gave Helen a tight smile she and Reid exchanging a small glance he speaking. “Thank you. That’s a great help.”

Helen spoke again as Y/N and Reid turned to leave. “There’s one more thing. He kept calling me Anna.”

Reid frowned reaching into his suit jacket pocket as he and Y/N left the hospital room heading back towards the elevators.

He dialed a familiar number his voice tight. “Garcia can you run a name for me…the guy’s name is Bill. He works in an auto shop, he’s probably a mechanic. It’s either Lefty’s Auto Shop or Lucky’s Auto Shop.”

He paused a heavy breath leaving him. “I know that’s not a lot to go on. I know there’s probably a million Bills who are mechanics in the Portland area.”

He spoke again shaking his head. “Guy is a redhead…and he walks with a limp…so there might be an accident in his past…and maybe someone named Anna.”

He paused again clearing his throat. “Call me or Y/N back when you find something.”

Y/N spoke as they entered the elevator. “So…is he delusional? Calling Helen Anna…insisting they needed to go home?”

Reid nodded his head a small frown crossing his features. “Maybe. There’s got to be some Anna in his past…I’ll bet she’s probably a brunette…Helen said his eyes looked dull, not right…that might hint some form of drug use which may be making his mental state more unbalanced.”

Y/N felt sick to her stomach her mind spinning as they entered the elevator. She had a feeling this wasn’t going to turn out well.

………………………………………..

Y/N awoke the next morning to her cell ringing. She frowned spotting Garcia’s cell number. She barely had a chance to answer it as Garcia spoke. “I’m a genius.”

Y/N chuckled unable to help herself. “Come on now Penny, I hear that enough from Spencer. Now you too?”

Reid peeled his eyes open a frown crossing his features at the sound of his name.

Garcia spoke again a chuckle leaving her at Y/N’s comment. “I found the Bill you’re looking for. Bill Jacobs. He’s thirty two years old. He’s been working as a mechanic at Lefty’s Auto Shop for the past five years. He’s got a record for petty theft and a few assault charges…looks like drunken bar brawls. And get this he had a car accident when he was in he was twenty seven. He survived with massive injuries to his leg…I’m talking like a shattered leg bone. But get this his girlfriend Anna Stephens wasn’t so lucky.”

“What happened to her?” Y/N asked watching as Reid pulled himself from bed beginning to dress for the day.

Garcia let out a heavy sigh. “She died on impact. Poor thing was barely twenty years old. She was pregnant too…It’s kind of freaky Y/N.”

“What’s kind of freaky?” She dared to ask bile rising in her throat as Garcia spoke.

“Anna Stephens looks a heck of a lot like you…I mean, not to be creepy, but you could be sisters. She’s pretty close looks wise to you.”

She didn’t give Y/N time to focus on this as Garcia spoke again. “Ahem…anyway, looks like there was some major drama between her family and Mr Jacobs. I see a report where the police were called to a funeral home…looks like Jacobs had a freakout at her funeral…from the police report it looks like he freaked out that Anna Stephen’s parents donated her organs. He kept harassing them after that…Looks like her family eventually got a restraining order on Jacobs…poor people they lost their daughter and a grandchild and this guy made their lives hell. Looks like he’s gotten into trouble since then, drugs lots of pills. He has somehow managed to avoid doing any time though.”

Y/N couldn’t stop herself from pressing a hand to her belly Reid watching her a small frown crossing his features. She kept her eyes on her belly trying to calm her nerves. “Tell me you have an address on him?”

“Of course I do, 1442 Marsh Lane. He’s been living there since his parents died earlier this year…looks like he lost his job around that time too.”

“His parents death plus the loss of his job could have been a stressor. He might be trying to return to happier times in his life…back when Anna was still alive.” Y/N blurted out her hand not moving from her stomach.

She spoke before hanging up. “Call Emily with the address…Tell her Reid and I’ll meet her at the address.”

Y/N let out a sigh finally looking up at Reid. “We maybe found our guy.”

……………………………

Reid stared up at the house the police and FBI SUV’s surrounding the property. The house was so normal looking, a typical suburban house. It even had a white picket fence.

They’d arrived to a disaster. Bill Jacobs was aware of their arrival judging by the gunshots that had been fired their direction. Luckily no one had been hit, but this had turned into a full stand off.

To make matters worse judging by a call that had been made to Bill Jacob’s phone Kate Mills was alive and inside with her captor.

The BAU had quickly realized his reason for keeping Kate Mills alive. She was the age his child would have been now had Anna Stephens not died in that car wreck.

That was most likely what had attracted him to Madeline Mills, her daughter’s age.

He’d been kidnapping these poor women because they reminded him of the woman he’d lost. He’d been lost in a delusion, trying to recreate the love he’d lost. Y/N guessed that when the fantasy ended so did the girl’s lives.

Reid shifted in place as he watched Rossi talk over the phone to Bill Jacobs trying to coax him to surrender. “I can’t do that Bill. We just want to make sure that Kate Mills is okay, she might be scared. You don’t want to scare her right?”

Bill spoke his voice frantic. “She’s fine! I’m not coming out! You need to leave!”

Rossi sighed. “We can’t do that Bill. We need to get Kate back to her father, he’s very worried.”

Bill spoke his voice just as frantic. “I’m NOT coming out!”

Reid felt his blood go cold as Bill spoke again. “I want her to come to me.”

“Who?” Rossi asked the request catching him off guard.

“The brunette. The pretty one…in the green shirt. I want her to come here.” Bill spat out.

Reid turned to Y/N she growing pale making the connection as she stared down at her green blouse underneath her FBI issued bullet proof vest.

“I can’t do that Bill. This isn’t about her, this is about Kate and you.” Rossi replied trying to regain control of the situation.

Bill spoke again everyone’s blood running cold as they heard a cry of a child. He spoke his voice tight. “Send the brunette in or I kill the girl. Make her ditch her gun and send her in now!”

Y/N spoke her voice tight seeing no other solution. “Rossi, I’ll go in.”

Reid was quick to speak shaking his head frantically. “No, you won’t.”

“I can do it Spence. Garcia said I look a lot like Anna Stephens…I can use that to my advantage.” Y/N argued.

Reid ran his hands though his hair his jaw tightening. “He’s killed all the girls that looked like Anna Stephens.”

“He kept them alive for a while before he did it. I won’t give him time to kill me. If we keep drawing this out he will kill that poor child and then himself. He’s spiraling out of control.” Y/N argued back.

Rossi let out a heavy sigh nodding his head. “She has a point Reid.”

Emily gave Reid an apologetic look as she spoke as well. “Y/N’s right Reid…right now she’s the best shot we have.”

Reid felt his throat grow tight shaking his head. “Please don’t I can’t…I can’t let you do this.”

She pressed a hand to his cheek trying to calm him. “And I can’t let him kill that little girl Spence. Trust me. Remember what I said, nothing will happen to me.”

She spoke again pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I can do this okay, Trust me. Forever and Always…remember.”

He shook his head his stomach in knots unable to shake the feeling of dread washing over him. 

He pressed his lips to hers unable to stop himself from doing it. A voice in the back of his head screamed it might the last chance he had to do this, though he shushed it refusing to believe he’d lose Y/N. “I know…we don’t have a choice. Yeah, Forever and Always.”

Y/N reluctantly parted from Reid the man clinging to her a bit as she moved he just as reluctant to let her leave.

He watched her as she received her instructions from Emily and Rossi on what her plan of action needed to be.

He wanted to scream. This wasn’t happening. Why was this happening?

He wanted to scream all the more as he watched Y/N make her way to the house towards the front door.

As much as he wanted he couldn’t shake that feeling in his gut; dread.

Y/N entered through the front door trying to keep her cool as she spotted Bill Jacobs the man staring back at her.

She looked beside him a relieved breath leaving her at the little blonde girl sitting beside him; Kate Mills.

She spoke remembering what Emily and Rossi told her, make him feel in control, try to pretend to sympathize with him, find a way to get Kate Mills out alive even if you had to kill Bill Jacobs.

“I’m here Bill.”

Bill Jacobs nodded his head his voice tense the gun he was holding pointing in Y/N’s direction. “I didn’t mean to hurt those girls.”

“I know you didn’t…you took them because they reminded you of Anna.” Y/N replied doing exactly what Rossi and Emily had told her, playing his game.

Bill let out a shaky sigh. “They weren’t right. They were supposed to be like Anna, but they weren’t right.”

“How weren’t they right?” Y/N asked

Bill shook his head a scowl crossing his features. “They wanted to go home…this is home. I used the drugs at first…tried to make them stay calm…but then they’d try to fight and the drugs weren’t enough…I had to kill them…I took care of them. Gave them food and nice clothes…a red dress. Anna loved red. I tried to make them love me…but they weren’t right.”

“That’s nice Bill…I know you tried to take care of them. What about the last girl that you took home though? She was only here for a few days. The others were here for a week.” Y/N dared to ask hoping she was asking the right questions.

Bill spoke that scowl still on his face. “She lied to me! She told me she’d stay, but then I caught her trying to leave…she was trying to take Kate with her. I had to kill her, she had to die. I don’t like liars.”

Y/N spoke her voice tight. “You have to know that Kate isn’t your daughter Bill.”

She cringed as he shook his gun at her his voice tight. “Shut up, just shut up.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I will. Just, just take a deep breath okay.” Y/N replied relieved as Bill seemed to take a deep breath taking her suggestion.

She spoke again finding her angle taking a chance. “Why don’t you let Kate go okay? It can just be me and you. I can…I can be right for you. Just let Kate go and I’ll stay here with you. I can love you Bill. I can be right.”

She cringed as Bill shook his head that scowl crossing his lips again. “I don’t think so. I saw that man out there…the skinny one, I saw him kiss you. I told you…I don’t like liars.”

The noise was what she heard, then there was the pain. Her neck, the nape of her neck, it was a blinding pain unlike anything she had ever felt before. Y/N found herself falling to the ground as the pain hit her.

There was screaming a lot of it and another gunshot. Y/N felt her vision become hazy as he listened to the chaos around her.

She was sure she could hear Rossi, JJ too…and Reid, she could hear him call her name.

She frowned reaching for her neck the sight of blood on her hand making her feel even more hazy. She’d been shot, hadn’t she?

Emily found Y/N her voice frantic as she stared from Kate the hysterical child being rushed out of the house by Rossi, to Bill’s dead body the man having shot himself in the head.

“Y/N’s been shot, we need an ambulance.”

Reid shoved Emily aside rushing to Y/N’s side his voice panicked as he dropped down beside her. He frantically grabbed a dish towel lying near Y/N pressing it to her neck trying to slow the bleeding. “Y/N, angel, come on look at me. Come on baby, look at me.”

Y/N frowned her vision as hazy as her brain. She stared up at Reid her voice a slur. “I hurt.”

“I know, I know you do, baby. Help is coming though. It’s going to be okay. Come on, stay with me okay, stay awake.” Reid insisted his eyes starting to blur with tears he shaking as he continued to hold the towel against Y/N’s neck, why was there so much blood?

Y/N frowned wanting to listen to Reid, wanting to stay awake and hang on to his voice, but she was having a hard time focusing. Her brain felt so heavy.

Reid watched her eyes flutter his heart breaking his eyes watering all the more. “Come on, don’t do this. Please don’t do this. Stay with me.”

I’m tryin.” Y/N spoke her voice still a slur her eyes having a harder and harder time focusing. It was as though everything was very far away. It was so hard to focus.

The ambulance arrived quickly Y/N still having such a hard time staying alert.

Reid was practically dragged from Y/N it taking Alvez and Rossi both to pull him away so the EMTs could reach Y/N.

Reid spoke his voice frantic his eyes still brimming with tears as he watched the EMT’s load Y/N up on a stretcher and take her from the house.

“She’s pregnant. Please, she’s pregnant. We’re pregnant.”

He didn’t see his team exchange surprised glances at this comment.

Reid watched Y/N be loaded into the back of the ambulance he moving to follow his voice growing more and more frantic. “I need to go with her, let me go with her.”

He felt himself crumble as and EMT placed a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t. I’m sorry. We’re taking her to Saint Peter’s hospital. You guys can meet us there.”

Reid felt the words spill from him it playing like a broken record as Emily wrapped an arm around him leading him to the SUVs. “She’s pregnant.”


	3. Guilt and Recovery

No one would tell them anything; not anything that gave anyone a clear answer anyway. The only thing that had been said by medical staff was that Y/N was in surgery and that she’d lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go at the moment. They were doing the best they could to save not only her life, but the life growing inside of her.

If felt as though they’d been sitting here for hours now, and there was still no confirmation of just how she was doing.

Reid had found himself hunched over in an uncomfortable waiting room chair his head resting close to his lap his fingers digging into his scalp twisting his hair at the root. A far off voice in the back of his brain recognized that the harsh pull to his hair hurt, but he was unable to listen to the voice.

He found himself sitting between JJ and Emily the rest of the team taking up residence in the trauma care family waiting room. They’d all tried to provide him some sort of comfort, but he’d found himself shutting their words out.

He didn’t deserve to be consoled a voice in the back of his brain taunted him. This was his fault, couldn’t his friends see it? He’d let Y/N go into that house. He’d let her take the risk knowing she was pregnant. He’d let his pregnant fiancee place herself in a dangerous situation.

When Reid had been released from prison he’d promised Y/N he’d always be there to protect her. He’d sworn to her that he’d make up for all that time she’d spent supporting him and waiting for him while he was falsely imprisoned. He promised her he’d make up for all the time she’d spent waiting for him in general; those months where they sat on that weird line between deep friendship and something more….those months he was so afraid to cross the line until he’d realized he could lose her forever. Then there were all those months he’d been so cold to her; when she’d first started working at the BAU, back when he was so afraid to love her. He’d sworn to her he’d make up for all that time. He’d promised her he’d take care of her.

He’d failed her, the words kept taunting Reid. He’d failed her and their baby. He deserved to suffer. He’d gladly suffer if it meant she’d be okay. 

His hands have been cleaned of Y/N’s blood, but he still felt as though he could feel it caked dried and ugly turned almost black staining his hands. There had been so much blood. Why was there so much blood?

The question kept rolling through his brain over and over again as though he’d find an answer if he kept fixating on it.

His brain kept spitting statistics and information at him. General surgery was mostly safe during the first trimester of pregnancy. In most cases though surgery during pregnancy was avoided due to a possibility of risk to the mother and unborn child. This was especially true in both the first trimester and the third trimester. If surgery was necessary the second trimester was the best bet. Pregnant women tended to be hypercoagulable; meaning their blood could clot easily. It was approximated that 0.2 through 5% of all women would require unavoidable surgery during the early stages of pregnancy. The most common surgeries were: appendix removals, surgeries for pancreatitis, and trauma surgeries. Use of anesthesia during pregnancy could cause a risk of spontaneous miscarriage, premature birth, low birth weight, and infant death.

He was pulled from his thoughts as a cup of coffee appeared under his face Alvez’s concerned voice sounding out. “I thought you could use this. It’s instant, but I added enough sugar to make it drinkable for you, I think.”

Reid frowned at the cup; coffee. Coffee set off Y/N’s morning sickness. He’d still be drinking it in front of her, she’d insisted that she could deal with the nausea. She’d told him he shouldn’t deny himself coffee because of her. He let out a shaky breath making a promise to a God he wasn’t even sure existed; as long Y/N and their baby lived he’d never drink another cup of coffee in front of her again.

A little voice was fast to taunt him in the back of his brain: He was bargaining…wasn’t that one of the five stages of grief?

He dug his fingers into his hair all the more; no he wasn’t grieving. He wasn’t going to need to grieve her loss because he wasn’t going to lose her.

Reid let the words leave his lips turning his face from the cup of coffee relieved that Alvez took the hint taking the coffee away. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

He felt JJ begin to rub his back Emily fast to speak though she easily regretted her words knowing it wasn't the best question to ask him. “Do you need us to call anyone Reid? I know your mom probably isn’t an option…but maybe your dad?”

Reid let out a shaky breath shaking his head as he spoke. “The last time I spoke to my mother she thought I was my deceased uncle…and William is…he’s not who I would call in a time like this.”

He spoke again before anyone had anytime to comment on his mother’s current health. “Did someone call Y/N’s parents?”

Rossi was fast to speak taking a sip from his own crappy hospital coffee. “I called them, sent two agents to escort them here. They should be here sometime tonight or early tomorrow morning.”

Reid nodded his head his fingers continuing to twist painfully into his hair. He spoke his throat tight. “This should give them another reason to dislike me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, Spence.” JJ attempted to reassure him continuing to rub his back trying to soothe him somehow.

Reid shook his head not even wanting to bother to explain it all. Y/N’s mother and her only brother didn’t approve of him. They didn’t think he was right for Y/N. Reid knew Y/N's mother didn't see him as what she'd been picturing as a partner for her daughter. Y/N’s mother and brother thought he was odd.

He could remember how Y/N had described her mother when they’d first begun to explain one another’s families to each other.

He could almost hear her voice in his head: “Spence I haven’t exactly lived up to my mother’s expectations for my life. As far as my mother is concerned I am supposed to be a nice good southern baptist girl, or at least her version of what one should be. Nice baptist girls go to little baptist colleges and study nursing or teaching…but they don’t go there to actually work. They go to find a nice baptist husband. They get married and start making lots of nice baptist babies…actually an even better baptist girl doesn’t even go to the college, she gets married right out of high school to a nice baptist boy and starts right off on making more baptists…trust me an actual education and a career with the FBI wasn’t exactly what my mother had in mind for me. I didn’t fall into the path she had predestined for me. That's why we fight more often than not...I only keep in contact with her for my dad's sake to be honest.”

Reid had quickly realized he wasn’t the nice normal Baptist boy Y/N’s mother had been wanting her daughter to fall in love with.

Reid had been terrified when he’d first met her family that first Thanksgiving she’d invited him to come home with her. Y/N had been right to warn him about her mother. Reid could see how she felt about him. She didn’t have to say it, it was written all over her face. Y/N’s youth minister brother was on the same boat as their mother. Her brother disapproved of Reid's uncertainty and indecisiveness concerning religion and the subject of God.

Y/N’s four sisters seemed to like him well enough, though he was unsure if he’d really managed to bond with any of them on his few visits to Y/N’s hometown.

Y/N’s father had at least liked Reid well enough. Reid had managed to bond with him over Star Trek and good brandy.

Reid frowned not helping but to think that any approval he’d won from her father and her sisters as well was all down the drain now. 

Reid felt the bitter laugh leave him before he could stop it. “You don’t know them the way I do…trust me. Her mom and her had a full on blow out argument when she found out I was engaged to Y/N…they don’t think I’m right for Y/N. This will just prove to them that I’m not capable of taking care of her. They’ll blame me…they’re probably right to.”

Emily was fast to speak up trying to pull him out of himself and his own self hatred. “That isn’t true…You have to talk to us Reid. Don’t shut us out.”

Reid sat up a scowl set into his face his hands pulling from his hair choosing to grip down on the armrests of his chair. “What’s there to talk about…I shouldn’t have let her go in.”

JJ let out a soft sigh quick to respond to him. “Does Y/N really seem like the kind of girl who listens when anyone tells her no, even when it’s you.”

Reid felt a bitter laugh leave him his hands reaching for his hair again as he found himself hunched back over. “No…she isn’t. It doesn’t change anything though. I should have stopped her from going in there with him…what was I even thinking? She’s…she’s pregnant and I let her put herself in that situation.”

Rossi let out a heavy sigh shaking his head. “She wanted to go in Reid. She wasn’t going to stand by and let Kate Mills die. She saved that little girl’s life.”

Reid felt bile rise in the back of his throat finishing the sentence for Rossi saying the words he wouldn’t: And she’s possibly lost her own life as well as her child’s life as a result.

Emily spoke up trying to soothe him, trying to get him talking about something else other than what had happened back at Bill Jacob’s house. “How far along is Y/N?”

Reid let out another shaky breath trying his best to avoid slipping into a full blown panic attack. “Only about six weeks now…we were holding off on telling anyone until after her first exam…we wanted to make sure everything was okay before we got everyone’s hopes up.”

He paused his throat growing tight guilt still swirling around inside of him. “When she first told me she wanted kids…it scared the crap out of me. I mean…she wasn’t implying then that she wanted them with me, we hadn’t been dating that long then…she was just saying that in general she wanted kids…She came from a family of seven kids…so she wants a lot of kids…I knew that if our relationship ever went anywhere that kids were going to mandatory.”

He paused again his throat still so tight. “I was scared to death when she started hinting around that she was ready…I love her so much, and I’ve put her through so much…with the Mexico and, Kat Adams, and prison mess and just me being genuinely stubborn…I thought I owed her this…Still though it scared the hell out of me…I-I thought she had to be crazy to want kids with me.”

“Why do you say that Spence, you’re great with Henry and Micheal…and Hank too.” JJ provided though deep down inside she already knew the answer. Though it had taken a long time, Reid had at least learned to become more open with a few of them about his own family history.

Reid let out a heavy sigh shaking his head a tight smile crossing his lips. “I thought…I guess I just thought my genes were cursed…why would someone want me to pass them on? I mean…Y/N seems like she has perfect genes...at least to me she does, but I thought my terrible genes would drown hers out. Any kid we had would be nearsighted and too tall and too thin..and clumsy…and just an awkward mess... then there’s the history of mental illness on my side…not just the schizophrenia, but there’s depression and anxiety and OCD and addictive personalities…I couldn’t understand why she’d want any kids of hers to have my genes…then things changed.”

“What changed?” Emily asked that tight smile on Reid’s lips growing a little his eyes watering just a bit.

He spoke explaining. “That fourth of July party we had at Rossi’s house last summer…the kids were out back playing in the swimming pool…and Henry, he was freaked out about going in…He knows how to swim you know, but he was still feeling hesitant about it…the water was so much deeper than the pools he’s used to…and Y/N she got him to get in the deep end with her. She told him he could hold on to her and they’d move slow…that she wouldn’t let anything happen to him. He clung onto her, trusted her…and then, I heard her tell him that if anything happened to her or him…that…that Uncle Spencer would save them, because that's what he does…It just hit me…she trusted me...she wasn't just telling Henry that to comfort him...she believed in my ability to protect her... and the more I thought about it…the more I saw her with the kids that day…the more real the idea of having kids became and the less scary it felt. I figured if she trusted me, then I needed to trust her. I decided I had to put my own fears aside and do what felt so right...I had to trust her when she told me our kids would be perfect...I realized she was right...anything that's half her is going to be perfect.”

JJ gave his back a pat a small smile crossing her lips. “That’s really sweet Spence.”

Reid let out another shaky sigh the smile still fixed on his lips his eyes still watering he not even bothering to wipe them. “She wants to name it after me…the baby…if it’s a boy. She wants to name it after both her grandfather and me…Samuel Spencer Reid.”

“That’s a really nice name.” Emily insisted Reid nodding his head before speaking again.

“We talked about girl names too…She picked one, Diana May Reid…for my mom and her sister.”

He paused the tears falling from his eyes landing against the dark material of his gray slacks. “I keep telling her I think it’s a girl…I know that sounds really stupid and it’s not logical at all, but I just…I can feel it.”

“It’s not stupid.” JJ reassured him Reid allowing himself to get lost in his own thoughts remembering that night only a week before soon after Y/N had told him she was expecting.

—–

Reid laid over her their bodies damp with sweat their breaths both coming out in labored puffs as they tried to come down from their highs.

He’d been a bit hesitant to make love to her…but Y/N had reassured him, of what he already logically knew, that no damage could be done to her or the life growing inside of her. She’d told him that she loved him so much and she was so happy, she wanted to feel good with him.

He’d given in to her, though their love making had been slow, almost as though it was their first time all over again, hesitant soft movements delicate touches needy kisses. It had been beautiful.

Reid found himself pulling from her taking her by surprise as he moved down her body resting his head against her flat stomach nuzzling her skin his arms wrapping around her waist.

Y/N managed to speak not helping but to tease him remembering how he’d cuddled her stomach several times earlier that evening. “Is this going to become a trend for you now?”

Reid gave her a drowsy smile not hesitating to speak. “Can’t help it. You’re carrying my baby and you’re so pretty and perfect.”

She giggled her post coital high making her feel light and playful and in need to give him a hard time. “You’re saying that because you just came inside of me.”

Reid snorted his own post coital high making him feel just as playful. “Yeah, so, doesn’t change that you’re still beautiful.”

She shook her head watching him as he began to press kisses to her stomach that drowsy silly grin still fixed upon his face.

She loved post sex silly Reid. She’d long ago learned that she loved so many different sides to Spencer Reid. She loved hyper-fixated filled with facts and statistics Reid. She loved drowsy somewhat grouchy because he hadn’t had his first cup of coffee in the morning Reid. She loved half asleep dazed sleep deprived Reid. She loved drunk over emotional over affectionate Reid. She loved the Reid that got filled with a childlike excitement over a new magic trick he had learned or an episode of Doctor Who that he loved coming on the television. She loved comforting nurturing Reid who wanted to read to her and hold her when she’d had a horrible day.

Y/N was more than sure she’d spend the rest of her life discovering all the different sides to Spencer Reid and falling in love with each and every one of them.

He managed to speak his kisses to her stomach coming to a halt his words taking her by surprise. “Do you think we could do the nursery in a western theme?”

She raised an eyebrow completely taken off guard by this comment. That was unexpected. “A western theme?”

Reid cleared his throat apparently not entirely intending for this question to leave his lips. “Yeah…ya know, like cowboys and cows and stuff like that.”

She smiled shaking her head voicing her earlier thought out loud. “That’s a little unexpected Spencer.”

He gave her a somewhat sheepish smile his cheeks flushing ever so slightly as he explained. “I was talking to JJ not long ago…about what I’d do if I didn’t join the FBI…I told her I probably would have become a cowboy…ya know live somewhere surrounded by nature and get some horses and some cows…I don’t really know what I’d do with the cows or anything…I mean I’d like to pet em and be around them…but I don’t think I’d want to sell em for slaughter or whatever…I wouldn’t want to be so close to death if I wasn’t in the FBI ya know..I’d just want to be somewhere free.”

She gave him a crooked grin his explanation making a little more sense now, though not entirely. Somehow it made sense for Spencer Reid though. She’d long ago learned to expect the unexpected with him. She decided to at least entertain his oddball thought process. “You could sell them to kids for Ag projects.”

“Ag?” Reid asked a small frown crossing his features causing Y/N to smirk.

For once she knew something Spencer Reid didn’t. She decided not to gloat about this fact choosing to explain instead. “I forgot you went to school in Vegas…maybe they didn’t do that there…but it’s like a class kids take usually in like middle school and high school…they learn about agriculture and livestock…and they have this big project they have to do where usually they have to care for a farm animal.”

Reid nodded his head it becoming a bit clearer. “Oh…I’d like that I think, I’d feel like I was helping kids learn.”

She began to stroke his hair smoothing back his curls as she spoke. “Is this our retirement plan?”

“Maybe…would you buy a ranch with me?” Reid dared to ask soaking up her touch his eyes closing the feel of her fingers running through her hair always bringing him a feeling of relaxation.

She chuckled nodding her head. “Sure, why not.”

She spoke again after a few comfortable moments of silence. “As far as the nursery thing…yeah a western theme could work…It might be cute…we could find like stuffed animal cows and horses and maybe like a cactus lamp or something else westernish…I mean I think we could make it work for a boy or a girl.”

“It’s a girl.” Reid insisted his voice so certain causing Y/N to chuckle as she scolded him ever so slightly.

“I know you’re a genius Spence…but I don’t think you’re good enough to figure out the gender this quick.”

Reid shook his head too stubborn to listen. “I don’t need to figure it out…I just feel it. It’s a girl…you have too many sisters for it not to be a girl.”

Y/N smiled shaking her head not helping but to point out the obvious. “Come on Spence, that big brain of yours should remember that it’s the male that determines the sex when it comes to reproduction.”

Reid chuckled pressing another kiss to her stomach. “Good point, I still stand by my belief that this is a girl though.”

She gave him a crooked smile not helping but to say it. “What if I want a little Spencer Reid though.”

Reid gave her stomach another kiss still sounding so certain of himself though he was a bit surprised by part of his statement. “I’ll give you one eventually. This one’s a girl though.”

She continued to stroke his hair not missing the soft pleased sigh that left his lips. She spoke up the words falling from her lips without her having to think about it. “Can we name her Diana, for your mom?”

Reid stared up at her his expression unreadable. Y/N silently cursed herself for saying it. Maybe this wasn’t an okay suggestion? His mom was a sensitive subject lately, considering her health and all.

She was relieved as Reid finally allowed a smile to cross his lips. “I’d really love that.”

He cleared his throat hoping his suggestion didn’t draw the reaction from her she was expecting from him for a moment there. “And the middle name could be May?…for your sister.”

Y/N felt her eyes water causing Reid to fear for a moment he’d made the wrong suggestion. Maybe it was too much for her, having the memory of her deceased twin brought up.

She spoke nodding her head frantically soothing his worry. “Yes, I think I like that. Diana May Reid.”

She spoke again her eyes still a little watery. “If it is a boy though we’re naming it after you.”

Reid raised an eyebrow almost feeling silly for not expecting this. Y/N spoke her hand continuing to softly stroke his hair. “I kind of already have a name in mind…Samuel Spencer Reid…Samuel for my Papa Sam…and the Spencer for you.”

Reid took her by surprise moving back up her body his lips pressing to hers as he spoke. “I love it.”

He pressed a few more kisses to her lips finally speaking. “And I love you, so much.”

She pressed a hand to his cheek her heart feeling so full at the moment. “I love you so much, Forever and always Spence.”

He grinned his hand reaching down for hers pulling her hand up to his lips pressing his lips over her engagement ring as he repeated the words. “Forever and always.”

—-

Reid was yanked out of his more pleasant memories as the last two people he wanted to see right now stormed into the room.

The older woman was close in appearance to Y/N, if Y/N had been dyeing her hair blonde with box dye for years that is…and if she was far thinner, and pissed off.

The man was more somber looking trailing along behind his wife sending Reid an apologetic look for what was about to come. His dark hair was touched with shades of salty white. He was heavier and Reid knew Y/N worried about his health, tried to convince him to eat something more than meals of meat potatoes and beer.

Reid wanted to disappear as the woman approached him fire in her eyes her finger pointing accusingly at Reid. “What did you let happen to her! What did you let my daughter do, you son of a bitch!”

Reid felt his eyes water he not helping but to crumble at bit at this statement his face screwing up he unable to find the words to defend himself.

Rossi and Alvez were both quick to pull Y/N’s mother away from Reid, Emily being the one who spoke trying to alleviate the situation. “Mrs. Y/L/N, now isn’t the time for this.”

“It isn’t the time for this!? My baby is lying on an operating table with a bullet in her neck, don’t tell me it’s not time for this! I’ve already lost her twin and now I’m losing her! He should have stopped her from putting herself in that situation. He’s marrying her but he can’t even manage to keep her from getting herself hurt. How am I supposed to trust him to take care of my baby? I know what he’s done…his “time” spent in Mexico…what he put her through. If she’d never met him I could have probably talked her into quitting her job…finding something safe. She thinks she knows better than me though, choosing him…turning her back on how she was raised, turning from the church…choosing all this…this life of horror and misery. She’s so damn stubborn and look where it’s gotten her.” Y/N’s mother continued her voice venomous shooting Reid a look of absolute hatred.

Rossi was the one to speak this time his voice harsh. “With all due respect ma-mam, your daughter saved a five year old child’s life today. She did her duty. She’s a grown woman and that young man you think failed to protect her loves her and she loves him.”

Y/N’s father finally stepped in placing a hand on his wife’s shoulder beginning to drag her away sending Reid and everyone another look of apology. “We need to take a walk, come on let’s take a walk.”

Reid continued to sob at this her words making every ounce of guilt he felt seem all the more raw.

He was so caught up in his guilt he almost didn’t hear the sound of a voice. “The family of Y/N Y/L/N.”

JJ shook Reid to attention he standing up from the waiting room chair with such force that he almost overturned it.

He made his way to the doctor she still dressed in blue scrubs. She was a tiny woman almost Y/N’s height, but clearly much older. Reid could spot a hint of gray hair under the surgical cap she still wore and her thin framed glasses held dark eyes that had probably seen so much. She stared up at Reid he shaking as he waited for whatever may come.

The doctor spoke her voice soft. “I’m Dr. Hoover. You are?”

“Her fiance. Dr. Spencer Reid.” Reid barely managed to work out of his lips ignoring the look of surprise at the doctor’s face the title of Doctor.

She spoke up thankfully knowing now wasn’t the time to question the title. “Your fiancee has been through a lot. She’s a lucky woman. The bullet went straight through and barely missed the carotid arteries, which provides blood to the brain…just a few inches over and she wouldn’t have lived. She did lose some blood but we managed to give her a transfusion. Of course given her pregnancy we had to be extremely careful during surgery…we put some of our best staff on this. She gave us a scare once or twice, but we managed to keep her stable while we closed the wound to her neck.”

Reid spoke interrupting her trying hard not to get his hopes up. “The baby? Is the baby okay?”

Dr. Hoover took a deep breath as she spoke. “As of right now, we think so…we’re going to want to monitor her for a little while…maybe a few weeks…maybe longer…we’re going to need to do an ultrasound to be certain that there was no damage to the baby. It might be a tense next few weeks while we assess her and her baby. I can’t make any promises…right now things seem as stable as they can be, but like I’ve said we’ll need to do an ultrasound to be sure.”

She paused speaking again. “The pregnancy does make her pain a bit of a difficult issue to manage. We’ve been able to give her acetaminophen but only in small doses…and we’re applying a topical numbing ointment to her wound. We’re getting ready to move her into a room and she’s resting at the moment. We’re monitoring her closely…like I said Dr. Reid, your fiancee is a lucky young woman.”

Reid let out a shaky sigh not even noticing the look of relief on his teams faces as they obviously listened in on the news. “Can I see her? Please, can I see her?”

“Of course, once we get her settled into a room we’ll come get you. She’s been asking for you, it took our nurses a while to figure out what she was talking about…she called you Dr. Spencer Reid and we were a little thrown off given we have no Dr. Reid on our staff…it makes sense now.” Dr. Hoover reassured him.

Reid nodding his head tears falling for an entirely different reason now. He took a deep breath knowing he needed to say the words, even though he didn’t like her. “Her parents took a walk…you may want to see if you can update them”

He paused hoping he wasn’t souring things all the more, but he knew deep inside it was what Y/N would need. “I’d prefer that her mother hold off on seeing her…until Y/N asks…I don’t want to strain her. Please.”

Dr. Hoover nodded her head her eyebrow giving a small raise, but she chose not to question it probably more than accustomed to family drama in this type of business.

Reid felt his tears still flow as the doctor left he being embraced by his team the words leaving him. “She’s okay…they’re both okay. They’re going to be okay.”

…………………………………………………

She looked tiny in the hospital bed, so small, almost like a child. Reid couldn’t help but to have this thought as he entered her room.

It had taken him longer than he’d hoped for he to be allowed to go back to her room.

Y/N’s mother had fussed that Reid was being allowed to go back where she was not, but thankfully Y/N’s father had shushed her apparently too exhausted to deal with this at the moment. "Of course, it's important to keep her as stress free as possible right now."

Reid moved slow trying not to let himself cry at the sight of her. She wouldn’t want to see him cry. He kept a tight grip of the envelope he’d been given; Y/N’s personal property.

He was thankful JJ had taken it first ridding the bag of Y/N’s blood stained cut up clothing. She’d known Reid wouldn’t want to touch it, not right now.

Y/N was asleep, which was a relief. He’d worried that she’d be awake still; in pain.

He sat in the recliner by her bedside his hand reaching out for her hand. He stared down at her his voice soft hoping he wouldn’t wake her. “I love you so much. You didn’t leave…thank you for not leaving me.”

He paused his voice cracking. “I meant what I said in the shower before this mess happened…I couldn’t live without you. I can’t do this without you and our Orange Seed.”

He almost felt guilty as she spoke her eyes still closed her voice raspy. “Spencer?”

“Yeah it’s me…don’t wake up…just rest, you need to rest.” He replied rubbing soothing circles into her hand.

She frowned her eyes still not opening. “I’m sorry.”

Reid felt his heart break as she paused her frown deepening as he finally dared to open her eyes staring up at him. “I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have gone in there with him…I should have let Rossi find another way.”

Reid shook his head giving her hand a light squeeze as he attempted to soothe her. “No, you don’t have anything to apologize for. You did what you thought was right…You were so brave, my brave sweet girl.”

He held her hand up to his chapped lips pressing a kiss to it as he spoke again remembering what Rossi had told Y/N’s mother. She needed to hear it as well. “You saved that little girl’s life, my angel.”

Y/N felt her eyes water ever so slightly her voice still so raspy. “She’s okay? She’s alive?”

“Yeah, she is…she’s actually in the children’s ward in this hospital right now…getting checked out. Her dad wants to thank you.” Reid replied giving her hand another squeeze.

Y/N nodded her head her voice soft. “It wasn’t just me…we all helped…I still feel so bad…I know I was careless, it’s not just my life anymore…but I had to go in there…I had to do something.”

Reid nodded his head reaching out with his free hand to smooth back her hair. “You did what had to be done…You were right…Bill Jacobs’ wouldn’t have spared that little girl…you were right about him as well…he took his own life.”

Y/N felt a chill run down her back Reid continuing to stroke her hair. She spoke her voice tight as she changed the subject not wanting to think of that monster and what he’d done to so many women, what he’d done to her. “Are my parents here?”

Reid’s cringe gave her her answer. She gave him a tight smile as she spoke. “I’m sorry about that.”

Reid let a small laugh leave him he almost having believed he’d never laugh again. “I know…we’ll survive though…I told the doctor you won’t want to see your mom until you’re ready.”

She gave him another tight smile nodding her head. “Thanks…I imagine my mother was…herself.”

Reid sighed not wanting to get into it now, not wanting to upset her. “Don’t worry about that right now, okay? Just worry about healing…worry about you and the baby.”

She reached with her free hand touching her stomach a shaky breath leaving her. “The doctor said it’s going to be a tense few days.”

Reid nodded his head as he spoke. “It’s going to be okay…we’ll be okay…no matter what happens, we’re going to be okay.”

She sighed wanting to argue with him, wanting to ask him how he could be so sure that it was all okay. She held it in though knowing she needed to believe it was all okay.

Reid pulled his hands from her reluctantly allowing himself a moment to open the envelope in his hands. He found what he was looking for fishing it out the envelope.

He spoke his voice soft as he slipping the ring back on her finger. “You’re going to want this back.”

Y/N gave him a soft smile her eyes staring down at her engagement ring as Reid went back to holding her hand.

He spoke his free hand going back to stroking her hair. “Get some rest okay, sleep my angel. You need rest.”

“You’ll still be here right?” She asked her eyes already growing heavy again.

Reid nodded his head leaning down and pressing a kiss to her hand. “Of course, not leaving for a second.”

She spoke as she began to drift off. “Okay, Love you.”

“Love you to my angel…forever and always.” Reid replied not moving his hand from hers as he forced himself to settle back into the recliner.

He knew these next few days would be tense, but he had to believe they’d be okay.

They’d been through enough, they deserved a happy ending.

……………………………………………………..

Y/N sighed pushing the stroller back and forth in the elevator hoping it could soothe the fussy infant within it.

She shifted in place relieved that at least they were taking this elevator ride alone. Reid’s offspring had a hell of a set of lungs on her, especially when she was pissed off.

She stared down at her hands a small smile crossing her lips as she spotted her silver wedding band. It was still hard to believe just how much her life had changed.

She was riding this elevator married with a baby, technically still on maternity leave, Reid’s paternity leave having recently ended. Technically being on maternity leave for a few more weeks wasn’t going to keep her away from the BAU to have a visit with the family.

It was odd to think that years ago she’d been taking this very elevator giving herself a pep talk for her first day ever working for the BAU.

She’d been so young then; fresh out of the FBI Academy. She was so eager to please everyone and prove herself. She was so naive to the life that was ahead of her.

She had to wonder what she would have thought if back then she’d known just what would be waiting for her outside those elevator doors in that bullpen.

To be honest she was pretty sure she would have been dumbfounded if she knew then what she knew now.

Reid hadn’t exactly welcomed her with open arms back then. If she’d known he was going to be her husband back then she probably would have been confused as to how she’d married such a grouch who seemed to be so icy towards her.

Things had definitely changed.

Reid and she’d technically only been married for less than a year now…because that’s what happened when you got married when you were seven months pregnant.

Their dream wedding had commenced as scheduled despite her pregnancy. She’d gotten to wear her lace dress and Reid had gotten as many pumpkins as he wanted in those wedding photos. Their wedding had been filled with happy tears and words of adoration for the other as they surrounded themselves with only those who loved them the most. It had been everything they’d dreamed it would be.

Y/N’s mother hadn’t attended…it had been bittersweet, but Y/N had managed through it. To be honest her relationship with her mother was pretty nonexistent now days. Y/N’s mother had exploded on Reid once again while Y/N was I the hospital recovering…that had been all Y/N had needed to see to let her know that she couldn’t allow her mother into her life at this time.

Her father had attended the wedding thankfully, as had her sisters. So at least she’d had some support. 

Reid and she had still managed to be surrounded by those who loved them and wanted to celebrate their day.

Reid and Y/N’s honeymoon had commenced just as planned as well. It had been sweet, romantic, and as loving as they’d imagined. Though Y/N had of course been pretty pregnant by then, they’d made it work and still managed to enjoy themselves.

Things had somehow against all odds turned out better than they’d feared.

Her doctors had begun to call her pregnancy a miracle. She’d been shot and still managed to carry a healthy pregnancy. Those first few months had been stressful and full of fears.

Diana May Reid had of course been born one month too early, which was a risk they’d known they were taking given what Y/N had been through during her pregnancy.

She’d spent those first few weeks sitting in an incubator in the NICU Reid and Y/N both worrying themselves sick over her. She was so tiny, and so fragile looking.

It turned out little Diana May Reid had more of her parents in her than they gave her credit for. She’d been so strong. She’d pulled through and was, now still a bit small given her preemie status, but otherwise she was as healthy as can be.

Her attitude definitely made up for her size.

She’d been a perfect addition to Reid and Y/N’s lives.

Y/N let out a soft sigh pushing forward the stroller as the elevator dinged they finally arriving at the right floor.

She wasn’t surprised to be surrounded by her coworkers as soon as she entered the BAU.

She wasn’t surprised by the comments though they’d already met her soon after she’d been born. This was technically her first trip ever to the BAU. “She’s gotten so big…I mean she’s still tiny but still.” “She’s so perfect.” “Oh, look at that onesie…is that the one Garcia got her?” “Look at her little frown. She looks just like you Y/N, You frown just like that when you’re annoyed.” “Oh my god, she’s so cute.” “Look at her nose, that is so Reid’s nose…and those lips, yep those are so Reid’s lips.”

She wasn’t surprised as Reid stepped forward his chest obviously puffed out with pride everyone already knowing to move aside and allow him access to his daughter.

He scooped her up Y/N wanting to roll her eyes as their previously fussy child became all too delighted to see her father. Yep, she so favored her father.

Reid leaned in his lips pressing to Y/N’s. “You didn’t tell me you were dropping by.”

“We wanted to surprise you. I thought you might miss dirty diapers and spit up.” Y/N replied Reid chuckling at this comment.

He spoke as he began to rock her everyone thankfully moving back to their desks giving Reid some privacy with his family. “She’s gotten better in both areas…I mean once we found out she’s lactose intolerant and got her started on that soy formula along with a good breast feeding schedule, she’s been way less pukey.”

Y/N shook her head at the memory of poor Reid the first time their daughter had upchucked on him. Her poor germophobic husband had looked as though he was dead inside.

He’d survived though, he’d learned that being wary of germs kind of had to be set aside when you had a screaming infant demanding your attention.

He only looked up as Garcia dared to speak. “So when am I babysitting Baby Reid so her parents can have a date night?”

Y/N rolled her eyes as Alvez was fast to speak. “Don’t give them any ideas…or there’s going to be another Baby Reid in like nine months.”

She spoke ignoring Reid’s flushed cheeks. “We’ve decided to wait until she’s out of diapers before we make another Baby Reid…as far as the babysitting gig…maybe not for a few more months.”

She paused unable to stop herself. “I think if you tried for any sooner you’d have to fist fight my husband to get to her.”

Reid let out a huff though she didn’t miss the way he snuggled their daughter all the closer to him. “I’m not that bad.”

“Baby, the first time you were allowed to hold her you argued with the nurse about whether or not she needed to go back to the nursery yet.” Y/N pointed out.

Emily nodded her head a small chuckle leaving her lips. “And you made us all practically bathe with hand sanitizer before you let any of us touch her…you even made the nurses do it.”

JJ was quick to speak as well. “And every time someone else gets to hold her, you scoop her up the second she’s placed back down.”

Reid let out a huff leaning down pressing a kiss to her forehead. “These first few months are crucial for the bonding period…she needs lots of contact and stimulation. I want her to know she’s loved.”

Y/N pressed a kiss to his cheek as Garcia dared to step forward the blonde giving Reid a teasing smile. “Can I fist fight him now for the chance to hold the little muffin?”

Reid frowned not surprising anyone as he spoke. “Use hand sanitizer first.”

Garcia rolled her eyes doing as he requested before he begrudgingly allowed her to take Diana from him.

Y/N didn’t miss the way he watched Garcia’s every move. She leaned in pressing a kiss to his cheek being sure to whisper in his ear. “It’s not her first time holding a baby Spence…she won’t drop her.”

Reid shrugged his shoulders his voice just as soft. “Just feeling paternal.”

Y/N twisted her lips not helping but to try to stifle her laughter. She had a feeling Reid was going to be a serious overprotective parent…poor guy was going to have a nervous breakdown once Diana hit her rebellious teen years.

Reid wrapped his arms around Y/N squeezing her tight as he finally forced his eyes away from his daughter. He pressed a kiss to Y/N’s lips his voice soft. “I’ve missed you both so much.”

She chuckled at this pressing a kiss back to his lips. “You just saw us this morning.”

“Still allowed to miss my family.” Reid insisted rocking her in place a bit.

She smiled not arguing with him, to tell the truth she’d missed him too.

She smiled all the more as her daughter began to whimper Reid acting in true Reid fashion wasting no time to go and gently take her back from Garcia.

He began rocking Diana cooing at her his coworkers watching with a bit of amusement. They’d never imagined Dr. Spencer Reid would become a father, and turn out to be so good at it.

Y/N hadn’t doubted him though, not even for a moment.

As Diana finally settled back down Reid gently placed her back in her stroller his arms returning to wrap around Y/N.

They found themselves both staring down at their daughter the hectic energy of the bullpen fading away, it feeling as though it was just the three of them, their family.

Reid spoke his voice so soft. “I love you both so much. I love you so much.”

“We love you too…forever and always.” Y/N replied not missing a second to reply.

Reid gave her side a squeeze nodding his head his heart so full. “Forever and always.”


End file.
